what gives?

This may not be the loveliest subject of all time, but, whatever. I will warn you, this blog post will not better you as a person, give you any ideas or exciting tips, or even pictures- and it may provide little to no entertainment. But, I need help. With my face. (Well, for so many reasons- but for now, just one). I want to know what the deal is with adult acne. I want to know why I keep my face clean and stay away from foundation even, and yet I fall victim to said adult acne.

Maybe I am not an adult yet. Not really. Maybe I am still in the "acne range" of life. Or something. Is there a true appropriate time in life where "adult" applies to you? And you should be over this stuff? At any rate, those marks on my face are not dimples but rather symmetrical zits. Cute.

[And another thing, I really dislike the word "adult", so from here on forward in this blog I don't want to use the word "adult" anymore. If you think about it, "adult" has really (unfairly) been given this stigma. You place "adult" in front of anything and suddenly we are to assume it is dirty. You know- adult bookstore, adult movie... not okay. So, I like, "grown-up".]

Now that is settled... about grown-up acne. I want to complain for a minute because I feel as though I have truly done my time when it comes to acne. I suffered through it's embarrassing grip beginning in middle school. It wasn't always easy and it wasn't always harmless... but, I stuck it out and I didn't even always try to hide it. I suffered from acne and it was what it was. I tried everything- really. I tried antibiotics and I tried the products from infomercials. My aunt graciously purchased what seemed like a lifetime supply of Proactiv. I even took the "before" picture because I was determined it would work so well and I would eventually send my before and after photos in to the company to use as a testimonial. Unfortunately, my "after" photos would not have looked so different from the "before" photos we took. So I kept trying different products- with no real success.

Until Accutane. That's right, I took Accutane. For months. And it. was. brutal. However, it worked. I signed my life away to take the stuff, but let me tell you, it was a world of difference. The acne on my face that others had once mistaken as bug bites (it was that ridiculous at times) was virtually... gone. Now, I deal with the fact that almost daily I happen to catch a commercial for a lawyer that wants to bring justice to former Accutane users. Have you seen them? It's like if you've been exposed to asbestos, lead paint, oh- or Accutane, call the law offices of Smith and Smith because you may be entitled to a settlement. I don't think I suffer any long term effects from it (all my craziness doesn't seem to have anything to do with that drug...) either way, I knew it was risky when, like I said, I had to sign a bunch of waivers... but I would be lying if I didn't say it was kind of worth it.

But now, reality has set in and grown-up acne still plagues me. It is nothing like what I had in college, but still. Honestly, it doesn't seem fair. At this point, I don't know what else to do. I am sure the answer is that it is just a fact of life and I should suck it up. But I don't wanna. I don't want to battle these zits that seem to take up residence for days on my face. And then they scar. Not to mention that more often than not they seem to find spots that are super noticeable. (I guess any red mound anywhere on the face is noticeable...) Really though, is there no reprieve?

What do you use? To wash your face. What is your 5 step daily program? I have one prescription topical cream- but at this point if you told me that you use some clearasil zit-zapper I would be willing to try. Or even some amazing concealer that actually works (yea right) so that I can deceive not only those around me, but myself- until it is time to wash it off at night. And your opinion doesn't count if you have had flawless, baby's-bottom, peaches and cream skin for your entire life. Then, my friend, it is not your face wash but your fantastic God-given genes. your welcome.

So, that's my rant. I want to know what to do. Frankly I don't know that there is an answer, but it always feels better to just, get it out there. If nothing else, sometimes I feel the need to just acknowledge these pesky flaws:

My name is Tara, I am a grown-up and I have acne. Big pre-pubescent-like acne and the scars to prove it's been a battle for over a decade.