brackish living

new! and also exciting...

2011-08-04T23:01:00.002-04:00

So, I've started a new blog.

And I am really excited about it.

It's a photo blog. A new project. A new love. Something to keep/remember/share the opportunities I have had (and hopefully will continue to have!) with photography.

I'd love it if you'd pop over and check it out. (After all, the chances of seeing more frequent updates from me will greatly increase over on the new photo blog!)

http://tarapeddicord.com/

long... long ago...

2011-05-26T21:28:00.020-04:00

I blogged.

It was so long ago, that it is tough to say who will even read this- or you may ask, why am I even blogging at this point!? It's been so long that I have literally received emails from friends remarking on my lack of blogging. One dear friend sent a message in true concern- wondering if things were okay- since it has been so long since my last post. I even had to think for a while before entering my password to sign in to blogger. It's been a long time.

I am okay. I don't blog too much anymore- and to be honest, I can't say that this is my big return blog. I am not promising a post a week or even a post a month. I am pathetic. Maybe you don't care... but maybe you do.

Reasons? You may wonder...

Reason #1: I am busy. Who isn't? But here's the thing. First and foremost, last time I blogged I was the summer director at the camp. I am still the summer director at the camp. However, now, as the summer director, my job has gotten 8000x busier. The closer to summer... the busier the summer director is. It's a direct correlation that I should have seen coming. And yet, I didn't expect it quite like it would come on (like a freight train rushing toward me at 100 miles a minute. Summer, that is).

Reason #2: Writer's block. This really only comes from my poor time management to my summer director-ness. If I had a better handle on my job, I might think of anything other than my job. However, I have not had a good handle on it. Which equals 100% of my thoughts sent toward summer camp. Not too interesting... nothing to blog about.

Reason #3: Is blogging silly? Don't stone me. This has crossed my mind- it's silly that I have a blog. I have thought "why in the world do I blog? I am not creative, I am not funny, I am not pregnant, I do not have grandkids to flaunt to the distant grandparents, I'm not a missionary, I don't knit or cook... who cares about what I blog about?" I swear, this is not a plea for you to tell me why it matters that I blog... truly. But I have wondered- what am I even blogging about?? So, that's that.

Reason # 4: I have lost my night-owl-like capacities. This is truly the hardest one to reconcile with. I used to pine for sleep. I just could not find the time to sleep. I would be up until the wee hours some nights. Just blogging about the latest things... loving that blogging would get a few things off my chest and then, and only then, would I be more able to sleep peacefully. Now, it's 9:00 and I am just willing myself to stay awake. Is that lame or what?!? And again, not pregnant or with children- just simply a tired old hag that works a little harder than I did before. Not even hard work- I love my work- just a little harder than my 20- 30 hours a week before. Pathetic. So, no time to blog... only time for sleep.

Reason #5: I got a gym membership. It's true. The gym replaced blogging in my life. Literally right after my last post (and maybe a direct result of the fact that my husband had just run a marathon) I decided to get a gym membership. I go, often, with my good friend J-lo here at camp. I so enjoy her company and feeling better (I think?). The funny thing? I have not changed a bit. It's true. I actually go to the gym 4-6 times a week- depending on the week- and I have not lost one single solitary pound. I did not start exercising to lose weight. Truly. I wanted to get my heart in shape. But can I just say- not one pound lost in 4 months?!?! It's fine. It's bizarre and slightly irritating- but again, not why I started working out... so it's fine. But let's be real... I am a woman- and to see that scale move down to a slightly smaller weight wouldn't kill me either!! Okay, I'm done.

So why tonight? No idea. Really. There is nothing of consequence, I have no more time than usual and I am no less tired than usual. I just felt a spark of inspiration and I thought I would go with it.

This may be it for a while. Maybe forever? Tough to say. I cannot honestly say that I feel inspired to end this blog nor do I feel inspired to keep up with it more often. And again, I don't know that you care. I don't know that I care. But, for what it's worth, I still check your blog. It's true-- don't you stop blogging! I love it. I maybe read a few posts in a row on the weekend- unlike when I would check almost daily... you know, back in the day... but regardless, I cannot deny that I like to read a good blog every once in a while. So keep it up.

So what's been going on these last four months? So much. And yet, nothing really at all. But, to sate the palates of anyone who would like to know, even a little, what I've been up to (other than working, sleeping and going to the gym) here you have it!

I have been hiking, or should I say- conquered a mountain-

I went to San Diego to visit Kaley- to eat food and enjoy her company... since her eggo is preggo, you know-

Dear friends got married in the city-

Busy with camp- and the Giant Swing is literally in full swing-

I went on the annual family vacay. Which, was wonderful, but now feels like it didn't even happen. I think I would benefit from a bi-monthy vacation.-

And then, the rapture didn't happen.

And then... My dear friend Sarah is getting married so we had a Bridal Shower (yea, those are personalized couple-cookies- boo-yah! ...sorry, I was quite excited)-

So, that's it. Or all I documented anyway. I hope your last four months have been wonderful... see you in a few, or more than a few... we shall see...

i'm a believer

2011-01-13T20:26:00.011-05:00

So, as it turns out, I love Disney World. I have been before... once at age 5 with scarlet fever (true story) and then once when I was in maybe the 6th or 7th grade. It's been a while.

About three months ago our dear Disney-loving friends somehow convinced Ben to run the Mickey Marathon in Disney World. So this past weekend we got on a plane to Orlando to head to Walt Disney World for Ben's (and our friend Dave's) very first marathon. We figured while we were there, why not take advantage of the parks? I was totally excited to be with friends and family for four days... and excited to go to Disney, but not like dying with excitement. I just didn't really remember it from my previous visits. Don't get me wrong, I was sure it would be fun- but I was more excited about the overall experience and time in sunny Florida, not just because it was Disney.

And then. We arrived. And I walked through the magical Disney gates and thought "wow, Disney is awesome".

It was clean, organized, elaborate, over-the-top, happy and magical all wrapped up in one. I don't know, it was just fun being there.

And the rides are good too. Even the lines you wait in to get on to rides are good. Disney just does a good job. See how much fun we're having?

And that Castle... there is just something about Cinderella's castle.

And all of Cinderella's princess friends...

They had fireworks in the Magic Kingdom that far surpassed any 4th of July show I have witnessed. No lie. Also, I am quitting my job and going to Disney to be Tinkerbell- she flies out of the castle during the fireworks show. I hear you have to be small... smaller than my 5'10" stature... but I am ready to reinvent the Tinkerbell wheel. Bigger is better, Tink.

As for the marathon... Let me say, there is really something about the running community. Everyone I talked to who either ran the half or full marathon was just so kind and inspiring. I met a 50 something woman who was completing her 24th marathon. ?!? I don't think the human body is supposed to do that- but I am so utterly impressed. My friend Meghan and I, while waiting for our husbands to cross, we watched as a steady stream of people crossed the finish line. Amazingly enough they were not all young, muscular Kenyans... there were all kinds of people crossing that finish line. Friends holding hands, husbands and wives collapsing into each others arms, almost everyone threw their hands up in a moment of relief and joy to complete it... some limped, some raced across and many sobbed as soon as they crossed that line.

As for Meghan and me? We are standing in the bleachers just crying over these people we don't even know. It was amazing to see them accomplish such an amazing thing- they would cry and we would cry with them. I know, I tend to be a bit of a weepy person anyway, but it truly was amazing. Not to mention, we were proud of our husbands, to say the least.

It was hard to say goodbye to the mouse and his friends. A weekend of good company, a little Disney magic and 70 degree weather in the beginning of January? I would do it again... Next year?...

to the land of enchantment, with a monkey on your back.

2011-01-08T00:22:00.007-05:00

You know what is challenging? Creating a playlist of 4 hours of music that is good to run to. I just did that. And it was no easy task...

...because I'm running a marathon! YEAH, right. Okay, no I'm not, but seriously, my husband is running his first marathon, on Sunday! He runs around a field or a gym like a school boy hyped up on sugar and his speed has been likened to that of a gazelle... he's athletic, to say the least. But this is opening a new chapter for him. 26.2 miles of sheer boredom, er I mean, success! Honestly, I am really proud of him. Any time anyone runs any distance I am proud and amazed. Because in the few short runs I have done I know that it is challenging. But a Marathon? Wayyy out of my league (or desire). I know a girl who is half my size and has completed not just one Marathon but multiple. This is somewhat disheartening (to me)... yet amazing! BUT, alas, I will stand by, proud of those I know who run the 4+ hours straight. Crazy. I have an irrational fear that a Marathon is this thing that will kill or greatly cripple those I love- this is rooted in the story I once heard that the "Marathon" was named after a Greek guy who ran 26.2 miles to Marathon, Greece and then dropped dead. Great. So let's all commemorate such a tradgedy by recreating the situation. However, my somewhat more history-saavy husband tells me there is much more to the story than that. Regardless... I pray for safe Marathon running for all.

As for Marathon running this weekend, the runners are my "Stevenspiring" friend (his name is Steven and he inspires me, ergo, Stevenspiration) and my handsome and inspiring husband, Ben ("Benspiration" just doesn't have the same ring to it). And if you're gonna run for that ridiculous amount of time- why not do it in Disney World! If you have to "hit the wall" or you get a "monkey on your back", why not do it while Donald and Goofy cheer you on! That's right, we are flying to visit the mouse and his friends (whom I have not seen since I was about 12 yrs old) where I will enjoy all the parks have to offer and Ben and Steven, (affectionately known as Dave, but now I am just confusing you) will run the Disney Marathon.

Wish us, (them) luck and safe running! I'll just be eating bunches of Mickey Waffles. See you in a few days...

mmxi

2011-01-01T22:31:00.019-05:00

I find myself a little forlorn when Christmas comes to an end. Christmas day finally comes, the celebration is wonderful... and then, like a band-aid, it is ripped away. The radio stations stop playing Christmas music, the gifts have been revealed to one another, and suddenly, my Christmas tree just feels like this dead shrub taking up way too much space in my living room. Depressing, right? I just have a hard time letting go- I love Christmas so much.

Alas! There is one very good remedy for the sad closing of the Christmas season. One week later we get to ring in the new year! Everything begins anew- a fresh year, a fresh start... I love it. It almost entirely melts away the difficult task of packing up Christmas until next year. What makes it even better is the tradition of staying up late to welcome the new year. This tradition, for a night owl like me, is a dream! My friends (and even husband, who feels 9:00pm is an ideal bedtime) stay up late to celebrate! This year, as always- (because people scatter far and wide)- we missed celebrating with some wonderful family and friends-- but we had a wonderful New Year's Eve party with some of the most wonderful people.

It was a fancy attire kind of night...

A friendly game of cards (I did not partake... if it's not "go fish", it's beyond me).

If you look closely... you can see someone caught me taking this picture.

A New Year's smooch...

We enjoyed some delicious food... and some maybe not so delicious food... (I'm sorry G, but it's just too good not to share.)

and friends.

This is "2011" in sparklers! Kind of...

Happy New Year!

A really fantastic night, I'd say! So, goodbye Christmas. I shall miss you. But, I am excited for all that 2011 will bring- both challenging and exciting... from now until the next Christmas season!

advent:: week 4 (merry christmas!)

2010-12-22T10:43:00.004-05:00

peace.
The other day it snowed here at camp. (I mean, I am sure that it snowed in a few other places too, but nevertheless...) I love snow. I do not love being cold, at all, so I am sure this seems conflicting. But, I figure if it has to be cold sometimes, it had better snow, at least. I just think it makes the cold feel worth it. My favorite is when the flakes are big and fluffy and they seem to lay on the ground slowly. I love how the trees catch the snow in their bare limbs. I love how though the sky is gray and cloudy everything looks brighter with a blanket of white. I get that when you have to drive in it, or shovel it out of your driveway, it is not quite as lovely. But still, I love, love to look at it.

Anyway, the other day at camp when it was snowing I was standing outside in it for a moment with my friend. I told her I loved how peaceful the snowfall was. We both stood for a minute not talking and just looked around. It was silent. Almost eerie. We looked out over the Bay which looked like frosted glass. We saw the snow falling all around us but heard nothing.

It's like the snow absorbs all sounds around you and the snow lays quietly onto itself- not making a sound, unlike rain. I think snow (maybe for some, not all) is so peaceful in that way. For the fourth week of Advent we look at peace. This is the last week of Advent- leading right up to Christmas this weekend! I think peace is an appropriate thought for this week. I know peace can mean different things to different people. For example, I am talking about the peaceful beauty of snow and maybe you cringe at the thought. That's fair. But for Christmas I think that this week in Advent, it is good to reflect on peace.

We know that Advent means the coming of something- the anticipated arrival of Christ. And finally, this week, the waiting is over. The anxiousness, anticipation even nervous excitement that builds as we wait, finally comes to a close. Mary and Joseph, the people who heard of the birth and were anxiously awaiting it- they all finally get to experience it. Finally, the baby comes and great, great things, lie ahead.

John 14:27, " Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful."

Philippians 4:7 " And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Isaiah 9:6 " For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Colossians 1:20 "and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."

So, in this week of Advent, and as we celebrate Christmas this weekend I hope that we find peace in those words. I hope we find the peace that Christ brings. That he promises. I pray that peace, beyond whatever else, rules in our hearts this Christmas. As Christ came, he brought hope, love, joy and peace for us all. And I am thankful.

Through the hustle and bustle, the pain heartache and loss, he offers peace to us today, on Christmas, and always.

advent:: week 3

2010-12-16T12:23:00.002-05:00

joy.

I think we experience a lot of Joy in the Christmas season. I think sometimes life's circumstances may impede our feelings of Joy- trials don't cease just because it is Christmas. But, I do think that there tends to be a good bit of Joy floating around. It is a joyful thing (albeit stressful sometimes) to buy gifts for those you love- to find the absolute perfect thing. It is a joy to receive gifts- the most perfect gift someone put the thought and time into finding for you. There is something that is joyful about having a tree in your house- covered in lights and ornaments you've collected over many years. There is joy in the three radio stations that play all Christmas music, all the time. There is Joy in gathering with friends and family who travel "home" to visit. And there is so much joy in the coming of Christ. Because (I know, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times) the Prince of Peace has come to save the world.

We sing Joy to the World over and over this time of year (much to my delight), and I think it does a pretty good job of reminding what really makes this season so joyful:
"Joy to the World, the Lord has come!... Joy to the World, the Savior Reigns...repeat the sounding Joy... He comes to make His blessings flow... He rules the worldwith truth and grace... makes the nations prove, the glories of His righteousness... andwonders of His love."

It is indeed a joyful season today because Christ was born. So, I can just imagine the joy felt when He was born in Bethlehem. The Magi, (or the three kings, or the three wise men) followed a star to find baby Jesus. They followed, and followed, and followed until the star finally stopped over where they could would find Jesus. Matthew 2:10 tells us, "When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy." Maybe they were filled with such joy because they had finally reached their destination... finally they could stop walking. Maybe. But I also think they were able to rejoice exceedingly because they would finally be able to worship, adore, thank, praise & glorify this baby- this Savior of the World. The next verse in Matthew 2 gives me a pretty good idea of this: "After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him..."

They fell to the ground. I think the joy of their season was found in this child. Their joy was found in being honored and blessed to be able to bow down and worship this tiny little boy- who they knew was the Son of God. How humbling. How joyful. I am in awe sometimes at Christmas when I remember my King, the author and perfecter of life, was born in a manger- and he did it all for you and me. What great love. As I remember that, in this third week of Advent, it brings me joy.

the most wonderful time of the year. really.

2010-12-12T22:23:00.010-05:00

And it has only just begun. At least, that is what I am telling myself since I have done zero percent of my Christmas shopping. So far this beloved Christmas season I have done a lot of wonderful things. Some things successful, some not so successful.

Let's start with not so successful. The National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony. I can't be sure why this is a big deal because I don't think that people have actually put real candles in trees since the movie "Holiday Inn". (Which by the way, I watched for the first time this year. It's good. A little weird... but good). Anyway, nevertheless, there are tree "lighting" ceremonies 'round the country where lights are plugged in (in a very ceremonial way, I am sure) and there is much rejoicing. So some of my dear girl friends and I decided to go this year. None of us had never been so we thought, heck, we should check it out. We bundled (I mean bundled) up and headed to DC. Well, you need tickets. Apparently. And everyone in line knew this but us. Apparently. But we felt okay about this. Not to mention... are you ready for this?... the tree is not even real. It's like a giant green ice cream cone placed upside down with lights on it. This is our Nation's Capital people. And we can't get a real tree? Mr. Rockefeller could... but not us. Oh well. Either way, we enjoyed ourselves for a while downtown and decided to check out the Botanical Gardens for a very beautiful real Christmas tree on display. A lovely alternate plan.

We have also decorated Christmas cookies. One of my favorite traditions held in my tiny dining room.

As usual I mostly just dipped cookies into icing and ate them. But, as usual, many created some very nice cookie creations.

I had a slumber party for my birthday (with myself) in the living room so I could sleep by the tree and watch Christmas movies. I wouldn't be sad to do this every night during the Christmas season- but I don't think the husband and I could stand too many nights with the sofa bed springs jabbing into our backs (oh yea, the slumber party included my husband, of course).

Still, it was bliss... the consumption of ferrero rocher's next to the Christmas tree, paired with "The Holiday" playing.

We also had our winter retreat at camp this month. Lots of kids, staff and fun.

And these two made an appearance.

Based loosely off of this... (so bad, it's good.)

That's what's been going on. Hopefully I will have no time to blog the rest of this week because I will be up to my ears in wrapping paper for all the Christmas gifts I've bought! (big dreams, friends. big dreams)...

advent:: week 2 (a little late)

2010-12-11T09:54:00.004-05:00

I am behind, as it is the last day of week 2 of Advent-- but here are my thoughts. On love, this Advent season.

We are into the second week of Advent. Christmas day is fast approaching! In this week of Advent, as we are excitedly anticipating the birth of Christ, we will focus on:: love.

I can imagine that there were a lot of emotions felt by Mary and Joseph as they awaited the birth of their son... the Son of God, the savior of the world... Jesus. I think that there was probably some fear and trepidation, excitement, wonder, and so much more. But I absolutely think there was love.

I am a sucker for Christmas music- mostly the tried and true hymns that we sing year after year, but even in some of the newer Christmas songs, whenever we sing about Mary and her experience I have to tell you, I get a little weepy. I also have a friend who is a fabulous musician and songwriter. She wrote a beautiful song about Joseph- expresses some of the thoughts and feelings he might have had surrounding the birth of Jesus. The idea that this man and woman were expecting a baby boy, a precious tiny helpless baby who needed the care of a mom and a dad. But not just any baby- again, this is the savior of the world we are talking about! Whoa. So, when I think of the parents of Jesus I can't help but to catch my breath. What emotion they must have felt!

I have never been a parent- but I have parents and I have friends who are parents. I have watched friends as they anxiously await the arrival of their baby. As they worry over every little thing, wanting everything to be perfect. Once the baby comes, how overwhelmed they are with love for this child they have only just met. They watch the baby sleep. They touch its face over and over. It is amazing to see how parents love them some babies!

I imagine Mary and Joseph, as they waited for the arrival of Jesus, were somewhat nervous, wanting everything to be perfect. And I wonder what Mary thought when she looked at the stable, the night she was going to give birth to her baby. I don't know exactly what that stable was like. I have had little manger scenes in my house that depict a hay filled barn. But I have also heard from Biblical scholars that it might have been more like a cut out in the side of a hill- like a shallow cave basically. Either way, not a comfy bed and especially not the maternity ward at your local hospital. And I wonder if this mother wanting everything to be perfect, already loving the baby that she has carried under her heart for months, looked at that stable and offered up a quiet prayer to God saying something like, "anywhere but here Lord. I don't want my precious son, your precious son to have to be born here." I don't know. But I do know that she was faithful and she, in faith, had her baby in that stable that night- her child, the king was born.

And I think Jesus' parents loved him. Just loved him. Here is how I know. I think this might be one of the sweetest, most dear verses to me in scripture: Luke 2:16-19 (as always, the emphasis, is mine)...
^"So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Christ had come! The baby was born and this was really, really great news! It had to be shared, with all (and still does) the Prince of Peace had come to the world and the word needed to be spread! But Mary, the mother, the faithful woman who carried this child and gave birth in a stable, I think, needed a minute. A minute to touch the sweet head of her child. A minute to count each of the toes and fingers on Jesus' body. A minute to kiss his sweet cheeks and tell him she loved him. Maybe, a minute to tell him she would love him forever... and to be thankful that this child who had come, would be the perfecter of love, everlasting.

Love had come. Love has come. Christ was born and he loves you. He loves me. So this week as we continue to prepare for Christmas, we prepare our hearts for the coming of love, Jesus Christ.

advent.

2010-12-09T15:00:00.001-05:00

I. love. Christmas. Did you know that about me? I do. Very much. It's my favorite. And I love having almost an entire month to completely immerse myself in all things Christmas. There is so much great anticipation- so much preparation during the Christmas season. And, in this season, I am reminded to prepare myself for the coming of Christ. I mean, I know he's already come... but as we celebrate Christmas it is so important to me to not loose sight of the celebration of Jesus.
Over on this other blog (a "work" blog, if you will) I have been sharing some thoughts for these weeks of Advent. And I just love Christmas so much that I thought I would share the posts with you. We're a week behind so I will post last week's first.
Week 1: on Hope.
Advent means the arrival of something awaited, or the coming. We are currently in the Christmas season (hooray!) also known as Advent. The season of Advent celebrates the arrival of one very awaited, Jesus.

Growing up we always had an Advent wreath with four candles- and we would light another one each Sunday leading up to Christmas day. At home we had three purple candles and one pink candle, because that's what they had in the manger years ago. Just kidding. Sorry... but seriously I don't think that the colors matter that much in the season of Advent- I have seen different churches have four royal blue candles or just four purple even four red candles displayed. Some include a white candle in the middle, the Christ candle. I have heard really nice stories of why the round wreath explains that God's love is like a circle, it never ends. And the wreath being covered in greens is another example of God's everlasting love or enduring life. Nice. But it's a tradition, not necessarily tried and true theology.

That being said- I thought this blog could celebrate a little Advent each week leading up to Christmas. Because, let's not forget that this entire season is, in fact, celebrating the arrival of the awaited and anticipated Christ, Jesus, Savior, King.

As for week 1- hope.
The prophet Isaiah told what was coming... he gave the people of the Old Testament (and even us today) the hope that a child would be born who would be our wonderful counselor, who would reign with peace and righteousness.
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this." Isaiah 9:6-7

And indeed, God used Mary... and when told that she would be the one to give birth to baby Jesus, the savior of the world this was her response: “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. (Luke 1:38).

And so, Jesus Christ was born, fully God and fully man- born to a girl named Mary. The Prince of Peace had come, just as Isaiah said he would.
"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord." Luke 2:8-11

"The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told." Luke 2:20

They hoped for a savior. Something like 700 years earlier the prophet Isaiah promised the Christ was coming. I imagine that people hoped, and they hoped, and they hoped. And it was fulfilled. "...a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord." (Luke 2:11)

This week in Advent I pray that we would place our hope in Christ, in the promises of His scriptures. The savior of the world has been born- and we have the blessed Advent season to remember the coming hope. The coming of our hope, Jesus Christ- The coming of Christmas.

So that's that. Merry, Merry Christmas to you- and happy Advent... just thought I would share since I have not been 100% diligent in writing on this blog...

forgive me, frank

2010-12-02T08:30:00.001-05:00

I try. I try to recycle, buy local, look for sustainable products, conserve, reuse... I don't leave unnecessary lights on and I don't set the heat to a comfy 75 degrees as I would like. It matters to me that I do my part to take care of God's creation. I am not the best at this and I am not the worst. I don't own an electric car but I do try to walk to work every day! (okay, so walking to work for me literally means walking like 200 yards... every little bit people, every little bit). Anyway, it matters to me, even just a little bit.

But Ben recently pointed out an ugly truth. I am a water-waster. I can't believe it! I am a disgrace, really. Captain Planet, super-hero and inspiration to many, would be sorely disappointed. I don't like to turn off water when I am "still using it". This has been a mostly sub-conscious thing, I think. It's not like I leave it on and laugh maniacally screaming, "Let the water run, I don't care!" But I do it. I think because I don't like touching the faucet when my hands are dirty. For example, when I am washing the dishes I think I leave it running because I've got soap mixed with food bits all over my hands. I don't want to touch the faucet with that! And in the bathroom when I wash my face, my hands are all soapy and I can't turn the faucet on and off with soapy hands... not to mention my eyes are closed to prevent the suds from getting into my sensitive eyes!

No excuse. I have failed Sesame Street 101. I have failed the tiny lesson that children are taught at a young age (I am sure there is even some song about turning off the water). And I call myself a conserver of resources. Hah. Shame on me. All I can do is confess and say- should have paid more attention to Sesame Street and Frank the Fish. Watch and learn, the important lesson I have so carelessly ignored...

a week away

2010-11-29T23:30:00.014-05:00

We decided to head south for our Thanksgiving break to enjoy some much needed time with our "southern" family and friends and to soak up some of their 80 degree weather (thank you very much). It was great, as always, to be there.

We made sure to visit the beach. Seems necessary every year we are there for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. It feels so wrong to be on the beach in November, but yet it feels oh so right...

I spent some time sewing. I have been taking a fantastic sewing class and I have really loved it. I have made only a few simple things and I still can't really sew in a straight line all the time. But I have made some (mostly) functional things and it's been fun! I have yet to work on a sewing machine that is younger than probably 30 years old and I don't think I'd have it any other way. The older machines seem to deal with my shortcomings and so I forgive them theirs. I used my aunt's machine this week (which has sewn me many a dress or halloween costume) and it was good to learn some tricks from her.

We spent time with some of the world's sweetest kids.

Oh, and of course we baked.

On Thanksgiving morning we ran a 10k race. After running four 5k's it seemed like I should up my mileage or something. My friend and inspiration J.lo and I have been running together for a few months now and though we would be in separate states on Thanksgiving we each decided to run a 10k-- even thought I wouldn't be with her I thought, "I certainly can't train and then not run a race"!

Well, I ran alone... really alone for much of it because I wasn't really keeping up with the pack. I ran it in 1 hour, 7 and a half minutes and I came in 5th to last place. People, there were only four runners behind me! And I didn't feel like I was dragging by any means (now I know I jog, I don't run... but still. It was no walk that's for sure). Oh well, I was happy to complete it. It wasn't until about 4 miles into it that I thought "I can do this". So many times before then I thought to myself, "if I lay down right now no one will ever know. I don't have to keep going... I'll just cut through the woods to the finish line" But I kept going, reminding myself of friends that have done half marathons and full marathons... and I am suffering at mile 3.5? Oh, brother. When it was over I thought, "I'm glad I did that...right?" and I will probably forget the hardship in time and do another one some day and ask myself "whyyyyy?!?" Because they say exercise is good for me, that's why.

Then, to make up for it, I ate my weight in Thanksgiving food. But look at these beautiful people I got to dine with!

One day we walked through a park that had faces carved into the trees. Apparently this is a "thing"... people travel to see the tree faces. Never heard of such a thing? Me neither. Allow me to enlighten you.

Tree people or no, I do love me some tall trees in Georgia. And that grimy spanish moss-- beauty.

A sweet week away, for sure. And we came home to a little thing I like to call, Christmastime. My favorite.

auntie Lo, barn wood & some knobs

2010-11-08T17:28:00.004-05:00

I don't think that I have ever actually bought anything from Pottery Barn, but periodically I will just walk through the store to look and touch. I love old things. I realize Pottery Barn is not filled with old things, they just make things to look old-- so I can't deny that I like to peruse the store. I probably don't buy anything from there because it is faux-old stuff (not real old stuff). Well that, and it is too expensive. But I like to look. Do you remember that episode of Friends when Rachel buys the apothecary table from Pottery Barn and tries to tell Phoebe she found it at a flea market? I can relate. Sometimes I am Rachel and I want everything in Pottery Barn because a lot of it looks like it was built from old reclaimed railroad ties. cool! Then again, I am like Phoebe and hate that it's all just expensive mass-manufactured furniture. (Obviously I am talking the wood furniture and trinkets here, not the bed linens and slip-cover couches. Who wants reclaimed bed linens?)

Then there is the genuine old stuff. I have found inexpensive furniture at consignment shops and yard sales that I love. And then I have gone to antique shops and my jaw drops at the price of things. Not always because it's 200 years old (I get the ornate hundred year old stuff being expensive) but sometimes I swear it's a nightstand that is falling apart, but it is super expensive because the paint is chipping off which makes it "shabby chic". ugh.

But, I can't lie, I have sanded stuff to give it that weathered look. So sue me. I would beat a brand new piece of wood with a giant chain to make it look like it is "distressed" and not think twice about it. I am my own little Pottery Barn sometimes, looking at my mid-nineties furniture thinking "how can I make this look like it is from 1930?" Guilty as charged. (Don't get me wrong...I can also say, without a doubt, the coolest old stuff is the real old stuff).

Then there is auntie Lo. My auntie Lo is someone who knows where to find the good, real old stuff. And she knows how to take old stuff and make it into something amazing. Or even not so old stuff she makes look old (you know, the whole "distressing" thing). Old beat-up shutters made into a corner shelf, old chairs recovered to look perfect once again, windows hung as art and old wood to serve as a shelf... whatever- she does it. She's my old-stuff decorating hero.

In comes the farmhouse. It's an old house that became a dorm for campers at camp, (like real old, not PB old). The first year I was ever a camper at 7 years old I stayed in that farmhouse. The first year I was a counselor I stayed in that farmhouse. It's not so much in working order anymore. It's just too old at this point, to put it simply. That building holds a lot of memories-- and I spent some of my toughest summer days and some of my best summer days in that old house. So when the talk began about having to "get rid" of this building (eventually) I thought, "I must salvage some old stuff!" So I did. I took some door knobs, because I loved them.

Then there is the farm. My in-law's farm. They have an old tobacco barn on their property that fell years ago. So my father-in-law and my husband gathered some old barn wood for me.

I thought to myself, what would my decorating hero auntie Lo do with these old things? What would make Pottery Barn itself sweat my style?

voila.

I know, it's just a little shelf. But, the hubby and I made this together. And I love it. Real old stuff with a little modern TLC to create a shelf to hang and display things. And, to remind me of the good old farmhouse, forever. An old-stuff-lover's dream.

as for october...

2010-10-25T22:38:00.004-04:00

I have not blogged often and I have not blogged well. You may or may not be affected by this... but for the few of you that pop your heads in periodically, I am sorry I have offered you next to nothing in these last few weeks!

Here's what has been keeping me busy...

trainman.

2010-10-13T17:51:00.008-04:00

My sweet Uncle John. He really wasn't an uncle by blood relation, just one of those really close family friends. The kind of family you choose. He passed away suddenly last week and it rocked us all, as death often does. You scramble to find your footing when you are so blind sided by tragedy- and yet it is so overwhelming and humbling to see how people come together to rally around a hurting family to provide prayers, comfort, camaraderie and love in such a difficult time. You find joy in celebrating the life that was lost, but confusion as to "why" this had to happen.

Uncle John's daughter and my dear, dear friend reminded me that God is not surprised by this. We are surprised and at a loss... but he is there to provide and comfort us, because he knows how we need him now- he, was not blindsided.

Uncle John was a wonderful uncle, husband, friend and pop- he was a great man. He loved well and he always brought a smile to our faces. He was always willing to "tell you like it is" to be honest and kind with everyone. He worked long and hard on the railroad. No really, :) he was the trainman, working much of his life on CSX trains. And I have always and will always smile because of the man he was in my life, when I see or hear a train.

"When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:2&3

the trouble with the basement

2010-09-30T22:30:00.001-04:00

My office, (and another co-worker's office) is located in the basement of our "office building" as it were. I get sensitive when my office is referred to as the "basement" I'd rather just call it "their office, downstairs" or something else more positive. Sometimes, it is even very negatively called the "dungeon". I am not okay with this at all. It sounds like, well a dark dank cell where prisoners and dragons are held. Not a lovely room where ideas are brought to life! (Which is what my office always is, of course.) Sure it's dark and only has window wells that let in natural light. But it's a great place... really. I haven't come up with a better name for these basement offices... but I've been thinking about it.

But the truth is, no matter how you dice it, my office is beneath the ground and by definition, a basement. The reality of the basement in this 70 year old building built by the bay, is that when it rains a lot, flooding is a threat. We've already lost most of our carpeting in the basement office from the great flood three years ago. And today, it was getting close to a similar situation. The pumps couldn't get the water out of the basement quickly enough and the water level continually rose little by little.

Rain in the window wells, being held back by these old windows... stay strong!

The water in the other portion of the basement was up to my ankles. Good thing I wore my wellies!

We put important things and power cords on higher ground and hope for the best. Much of the basement did flood, but luckily only the section that is concrete flooring (our office is set up higher just by a few inches). Our trusty maintenance man came to check frequently keeping an eye on the impending doom of our little office space.

The water started to seep through the plywood (I mean, fancy hardwood) flooring of our office.

Luckily, the torrential downpour let up and the office seems safe... for now.

listen, this is how I (mostly) feel.

2010-09-26T19:55:00.003-04:00

This is basically what runs through my mind when I see wildlife. I try to contain myself- I am proudly not a member of Peta and I even eat meat. I do. I've even been known to outwardly express my hatred for deer near my home (who eat my plants). However, there is a small part of me that thinks this is my life's anthem:

p.s. I love that child in the deer outfit...

j.lo and tara run.

2010-09-20T22:30:00.005-04:00

This past Saturday I ran a 5k with my friend, j-lo. We were proud to finish the race, and finish it well. We ran the whole thing and were not last, thank you very much. She has been training for a while and was excited to run in her first 5k. The day was beautiful, the path was lovely, the turn out was good and our husbands were great cheerleaders. I even won a door prize. woot woot! A good day.

I have done a few 5k runs (some day I'll up the milage... some day), and you may ask yourself, why pay to run? (When I don't even love running that much)? I always like the experience and I like where the money is going. This particular one was set up to raise funds for Shared Hope International-- and importantly, to raise awareness of sex trafficking. The horrid truth is children (and adults), mostly girls, are put up for sale... Every day. In the U.S. Right here. It makes my blood run cold to even imagine what must being going on right now in the sex trafficking industry. It's a tough subject and there are so many, many efforts to get behind to eradicate many terrible things that happen in our world daily. But, since I did the run, sponsored by Shared Hope I thought I would share. The good news-- organizations like Shared Hope are literally saving lives- helping to rescue women from this modern slavery day by day!

a new space

2010-09-13T18:00:00.002-04:00

This is my new office.

It may not look like much (especially with this photo taken by my fancy phone camera) but it is my office space. It's the first office I have had, really. My job has changed some this year and quite honestly I am thrilled about it. I have worked at camp the past three years mostly cleaning and a few other odds and ends. To supplement my very part-time work I substitute taught when I could and a few years ago even worked for a friend in a local coffee shop for a little while to make some extra dough.

My heart has been camp (for what seems like forever) so I have been thankful the past three years for even just my cleaning job and working weekend retreat groups that come through... however, amongst my thankfulness I have also squeezed in some hard-core complaining. It's true, though I hate to admit it, I whined about cleaning... well mostly the first two years- and some of you have been unfortunate enough to be around me to hear it first hand.

I truly loved working and living at camp, I did. But I would find myself just in tears periodically so disappointed and overwhelmed that I had to clean showers, toilets, rooms and such, again. After some time I realized my real angst was being alone. It was physically and emotionally difficult for me to be alone so many hours in the week. I tried to take the time cleaning to just listen to music and be alone with my thoughts (something that so many people would LOVE time for) I mean, cleaning strangers' hair out of drains never got to be fun , but the alone time could be really wonderful... right?! Yea, not always the case for me. I mean, yes for a bit- but I, apparently, thrive on being near to people.

God (through a sermon in church one Sunday) gave me a bit of a whining wake-up call a little more than a year ago. My complaining attitude sucked, frankly, and I needed to do something about it. My pastor one Sunday talked about Philippians 4:13... but not maybe in the way you would think. We are so used seeing that verse on inspirational posters, like with an extreme rock climber in the background and an emphatic "I can do all thing through Christ, who strengthens me!" Or, on a coffee mug to start your day, saying something like, "you can do anything today! just believe in yourself! Phil 4:13" But this verse, in scripture, comes from a man who was imprisoned at the time. I don't know that rock climbing was on his mind. Our pastor challenged us to reflect on this verse as saying "I can do all things, even the toughest, most monotonous, most thankless or unsatisfying, or painful things- because I have the strength of Jesus Christ." That was not exactly the mantra I was starting my cleaning-days with. And so, I tried to turn that around and quit that stupid complaining I had made a habit of doing.

For the next year I got a cleaning partner and the company was such a blessing. I really loved having someone to talk with for hours as we cleaned those buildings again and again. Still a very part-time job, but very wonderful to have a friend and the reminder to be contented knowing I could do it because of strength from Christ. Now, I still clean, alone sometimes... but I also have that little office. I have an office because I am full-time! I know, it sounds crazy maybe to be excited about that, but I told you, this camp is my heart. I did enjoy (mostly) the flexibility and freedom of working part-time. I tried to remember what a blessing it was to make no money but have time to do almost whatever, really, because I averaged about 15-25 hours of work in a week. Now I am your 9-5 kinda girl but I am in a job that has me doing a lot more with conference groups that come to camp and also (and the most exciting part) I do a lot more with planning and prepping for the summer camp season! love.

So, that's my new space. And it comes with one serious bonus perk- my gigantic Dr. Claw chair. I could be sitting in it and you may never know that I am there... kind of like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. Remember him? And his creepy cat? His huge chair always hid his identity. I am sure I can use this ridiculously large chair to my advantage some day... Those are what my cleaning gloves look like, too, by the way.

dieting distress

2010-08-30T01:10:00.006-04:00

So my uncle, my dear, dear uncle, has been through a lot these last few weeks. He was diagnosed with diabetes a few weeks ago and put on a "strict" diet and some medication to help maintain this unfortunate (but manageable) new lifestyle. He and my aunt were doing pretty well with cutting back on portion sizes and cutting back on sugar. way. to. go.

And then a routine blood pressure test showed that his heart was not... um, functioning so great...

A meeting with the cardiologist and 5 bypasses later- I have found myself in Florida spending time with my aunt and uncle in the hospital-- My uncle, who is currently recovering from open heart surgery. I have watched the nurses treat him like a pin cushion, poking and prodding at his arms, legs and chest- all for good reason, I know. He dons a scar the length of my forearm that is really healing quite well. And overall, I must say, his speedy recovery, (at his age) is impressive. And I am so very thankful that he is getting better.

So he gets to come home from the hospital soon and then he is turned over to my aunt. My sweet aunt- who will soon be his nurse and nutritionist. She is a strong and prepared woman- bless her heart- but overwhelmed by what this man can and cannot eat. I have been guilty of mentally "rolling my eyes" at her a few times. Thinking, how hard can this be? You eat food that is balanced and good for you, and leave out the junk that isn't. You're making a mountain out of a mole-hill, clearly. To prove how easy this will be I start to search the internet and read through all of the literature the dieticians at the hospital have given her. This will be doubly productive for me, because I can help them and help myself...

It will help me, you see, because I (somewhat unfortunately and uncontrollably) allow new ailments to haunt me everywhere I go. Heart disease and diabetes it is-- That's right, I have done my research and I am prepared to be armed and ready against these plagues. Not that I hadn't heard of these commonplace issues before- but it has crept into my own family. So now it is my completely sincere prayer to protect myself against my own hysteria. I am a self-diagnosed (of course!) hypochondriac. And it comes in waves. I can be reasonable. And I can be bad- real bad. When people near and dear to my heart have some illness or issue I usually become an advocate (and I become fearful) for that thing. When skin cancer hit my little community of people (ahem), I suddenly felt as though I was hired by the foundation for skin to remind everyone around me about the importance of SPF. Some don't like to listen to me (ahem), but a girl can only do so much. Now, I'm on to heart disease. All kidding aside, when it hits "home" you can't help but to think about the food you eat or the amount of activity you engage in, when you see the true result of poor cardiac care.

So, I am reading up on my diabetes/heart disease prevention and let me tell you I ate my words. You know, my words about, how hard can this be? You eat food that is balanced and good for you and leave out the food that isn't... That's right, eating. my. words. I mean there is truth to that statement, yes- but I have experienced first hand that it is just not that simple.

What have I learned?

As a type 2 diabetic you need to be careful of your carb intake. So bacon is okay because it's not carbs. You should also eat margrine because it is lower in fat and cholesterol than butter. Eat/drink all the sugar-free stuff you can get your hands on, because well, it's sugar-free. Be careful of low-fat packaged foods, because often times when fat comes out, sugar goes in. Eat your fruits and veggies but certain fruits and veggies only in moderation, like, pineapple, carrots and bananas. Eat white bread/pasta/rice in moderation. Don't eat rice. Eat an english muffin over a bagel.

Although...

As a person trying to prevent heart-disease or live life after bypass surgery: you should watch your fat intake- bacon is no good (I totally called that one...) And butter, light butter, is probably better because it is real stuff from the cow- but really, ideally you shouldn't keep butter or margarine in the house. Sugar-free options that contain sucralose and aspartame may make your figure look better for now but some studies show they are not great happy-heart options when consumed regularly. Eat low-fat always. Eat only whole grains, and multi grain doesn't always mean whole grain. Eat a bagel. Eat rice. Stand on your head.

It's crazy!

But, I know that everything in moderation is a good rule to live by. It is also key to control portion sizes- know guidelines like eat a piece of chicken the size of your palm. A donut is a carb. So is an apple. The apple is the better choice. I can help my aunt and uncle with these common sense things that I know (things my uncle has not always been known to adhere to...) but I have to hand it to them- this stuff isn't always easy. And if you talk to two or three dieticians in a day you will absolutely hear conflicting details.

My aunt has always said that if she could, she would just take a pill that had every last bit of nutrition she needed for every meal. She has never "loved" food. I have not been able to understand this somewhat perplexing admission of hers. Suddenly it has become a little more clear to me. Eating is tough- especially when someone is telling you there is a certain way you have to do it... or not... but kind of... whatever.

I wonder if there is any chocolate ice cream around here...

what gives?

2010-08-24T23:40:00.004-04:00

This may not be the loveliest subject of all time, but, whatever. I will warn you, this blog post will not better you as a person, give you any ideas or exciting tips, or even pictures- and it may provide little to no entertainment. But, I need help. With my face. (Well, for so many reasons- but for now, just one). I want to know what the deal is with adult acne. I want to know why I keep my face clean and stay away from foundation even, and yet I fall victim to said adult acne.

Maybe I am not an adult yet. Not really. Maybe I am still in the "acne range" of life. Or something. Is there a true appropriate time in life where "adult" applies to you? And you should be over this stuff? At any rate, those marks on my face are not dimples but rather symmetrical zits. Cute.

[And another thing, I really dislike the word "adult", so from here on forward in this blog I don't want to use the word "adult" anymore. If you think about it, "adult" has really (unfairly) been given this stigma. You place "adult" in front of anything and suddenly we are to assume it is dirty. You know- adult bookstore, adult movie... not okay. So, I like, "grown-up".]

Now that is settled... about grown-up acne. I want to complain for a minute because I feel as though I have truly done my time when it comes to acne. I suffered through it's embarrassing grip beginning in middle school. It wasn't always easy and it wasn't always harmless... but, I stuck it out and I didn't even always try to hide it. I suffered from acne and it was what it was. I tried everything- really. I tried antibiotics and I tried the products from infomercials. My aunt graciously purchased what seemed like a lifetime supply of Proactiv. I even took the "before" picture because I was determined it would work so well and I would eventually send my before and after photos in to the company to use as a testimonial. Unfortunately, my "after" photos would not have looked so different from the "before" photos we took. So I kept trying different products- with no real success.

Until Accutane. That's right, I took Accutane. For months. And it. was. brutal. However, it worked. I signed my life away to take the stuff, but let me tell you, it was a world of difference. The acne on my face that others had once mistaken as bug bites (it was that ridiculous at times) was virtually... gone. Now, I deal with the fact that almost daily I happen to catch a commercial for a lawyer that wants to bring justice to former Accutane users. Have you seen them? It's like if you've been exposed to asbestos, lead paint, oh- or Accutane, call the law offices of Smith and Smith because you may be entitled to a settlement. I don't think I suffer any long term effects from it (all my craziness doesn't seem to have anything to do with that drug...) either way, I knew it was risky when, like I said, I had to sign a bunch of waivers... but I would be lying if I didn't say it was kind of worth it.

But now, reality has set in and grown-up acne still plagues me. It is nothing like what I had in college, but still. Honestly, it doesn't seem fair. At this point, I don't know what else to do. I am sure the answer is that it is just a fact of life and I should suck it up. But I don't wanna. I don't want to battle these zits that seem to take up residence for days on my face. And then they scar. Not to mention that more often than not they seem to find spots that are super noticeable. (I guess any red mound anywhere on the face is noticeable...) Really though, is there no reprieve?

What do you use? To wash your face. What is your 5 step daily program? I have one prescription topical cream- but at this point if you told me that you use some clearasil zit-zapper I would be willing to try. Or even some amazing concealer that actually works (yea right) so that I can deceive not only those around me, but myself- until it is time to wash it off at night. And your opinion doesn't count if you have had flawless, baby's-bottom, peaches and cream skin for your entire life. Then, my friend, it is not your face wash but your fantastic God-given genes. your welcome.

So, that's my rant. I want to know what to do. Frankly I don't know that there is an answer, but it always feels better to just, get it out there. If nothing else, sometimes I feel the need to just acknowledge these pesky flaws:

My name is Tara, I am a grown-up and I have acne. Big pre-pubescent-like acne and the scars to prove it's been a battle for over a decade.

you'll have to excuse me-

2010-08-13T17:00:00.000-04:00

I've kind of been on a mini vacation. I know camp is over (a bittersweet end, for sure) and usually I am back to a regular routine and have more time on my hands... but I am off from work this week and "vacationing" here at home with friends.

Kaley and Nick are in town and it's the best. I think that they should stay and never return to the west coast. I mean who is this Navy anyway, thinking they can just move my friends away like that?

Kaley and I broke up our bunk beds three years ago and though we were self-proclaimed hetero-life-mates, that's where it all went downhill. Or uphill really. I mean, it is good to graduate college and even better to find a man with whom you plan to spend forever with. But with that step into adulthood and reality comes stepping away from the care-free bliss of being college roomies.

(College, 2006- the care-free time was also a time when I somehow had a lion's mane for hair)

And Nick- it has been almost a year since we have seen him- part of me can't believe how the year has flown by, and part of me was taken aback when I saw him... like, oh! Nick! It's you! It's been so good to spend time with them both.

(a few years ago with our dear friend LP)

So now, though states and time zones separate us, our friendships are strong and our time together is even sweeter.

(Kaley and Nick's Wedding- holding hands because it was a perfect dream and also a little sad, knowing she would be moving soon. Also because we were both probably about to throw up a little from nerves...)

So glad they are here! On with "vacation"!

let's talk about Newport

2010-08-07T13:30:00.002-04:00

Newport, Rhode Island, it is one of the loveliest places. Ben and I went there for a quick minute last weekend. That is really what it felt like. We were able to have a couple of days off from camp to travel to Rhode Island for a wedding. It was a lovely wedding and the bride and groom were beaming- but oddly enough that isn't really why we were there. Two of our dear friends were in the wedding and they have three lovely children that needed their attention (while wedding weekend plans were also vying for their attention) so we were the resident babysitters. 6 years old, 18 months old and 3 months old. Yes, we are crazy and yes, actually it was a lovely time. For the most part I held the 3 month old, Ben held the 18 month old and we simultaneously tried to entertain the 6 year old.

We were thankful for the opportunity to spend time with the kids and we even had a few hours to kind of tour Newport, just Ben and me. And let me tell you, I love it. The weather was an awesome 78 degrees and the landscape was beautiful. The ocean, as always, was magical and cobblestone streets always grab my attention. I love that little detail that older towns seem to have.

When we traveled to see the ocean (and by travel I mean drive 5 minutes, because it is Rhode Island) we found gorgeous stones everywhere. Since our visit to San Diego I have learned that it isn't only the coastal plains that lead to the ocean- but I still am impressed by the rocky terrain.

And let's talk about the hydrangeas. Okay, apparently New England is like the hydrangea capital of the world. I am not sure why this is, but they were everywhere and beautiful. I know they grow where I live too, but they were just so pretty and abundant in Newport.

I may partially enjoy Newport so much because it reminds me a little of a bigger downtown Annapolis. Is this Newport? or Annapolis? Tough to say. (but really, this picture is of Newport). So many sailboats. love.

We even ate some clam chowdah.

So, Newport, RI- you should stop there if you ever get the chance. I'll come too.

beauty for ashes

2010-07-22T23:36:00.003-04:00

... to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3

I am awake too late tonight because of the visions this verse creates in my mind. If I were a painter, I'd have a lot to paint. What does it look like to be given beauty instead of ashes? What does the garment of praise look like as it is wrapped around you in place of a spirit of despair? And an oak of righteousness. If only I could fill a canvas to capture an oak of righteousness. It would be... big.

We have about two weeks left of summer camp. It is always amazing to me how the summer flies by. It is always amazing to me that we are left standing at the end of it all. And as always, I am amazed by the things God has done this summer. I am in awe of how he has shown us to wait on his timing. Just as soon as you have planned everything just so, he shows up with his perfect plan- looking a bit different from what you had thought. And that we are to be a planting of the Lord- to display his glory. Not ours, but his. His planting, (and planning) not my own. This joy in place of sorrow, this praise in place of despair-- what a promise, what a gift... what a reason to never let worry or fear rule me.

I should tattoo this beautiful picture on me somewhere. A huge oak tree, wearing a crown of beauty and a ridiculously good looking cloak of praise, and of course oil of gladness dripping from its leaves... what a piece of amazing. Or not. Either way, something about this picture Isaiah paints softens my heart tonight and I just wanted you to know. Let's allow ourselves to be a part of his planting for his splendor. I'm just saying...

slip and slide

2010-07-18T09:05:00.003-04:00

It has been hot. If you are anywhere on the eastern seaboard, you feel me. As I type this morning, I hear the sound of cicadas outside my window. Hot. That's what that means to me. I love summer for a lot of reasons- one being that I do not love being cold, I prefer hot. But even for me, there are days when the thick humid air is almost unbearable.

At camp, kids run around all hot and sweaty and don't even seem to realize it. They complain about sand in their shoes or that they need more ice cream to get through their day, but usually don't complain about the heat. Counselors are worried about heat stroke and dehydration while the kids worry only about the slushy machine being in good working order.

Even still, for everyone, it seems relief from the heat is welcomed. I can remember coming to camp as a kid and having the 'slip and slide' on some of the hottest days of summer.

What better way to cool off and to forget about the heat because of the awesomeness that the slip and slide is.

Forecast for this week includes more heat- and more slip and slide.

on eating crabs

2010-07-11T22:48:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite things about the summer is eating crabs. It's true, I love blue crab. Those disgusting bottom-feeder shellfish are delish, in my opinion. I enjoy recipes with crab in them like crab dip and crabcakes, very much. That said, my very most favorite way to eat crab is simply the fresh meat with tons of Old Bay and malt vinegar over a table covered by newspaper.

In Maryland it is not weird to love to eat crabs in this way- it is also not weird to think this is very disgusting. It is weird, however, that I can not trim the fat off chicken breast and I certainly cannot, will not, eat bird on the bone. Nothing sounds worse than a 'wing' to me. But give me a whole crab and I will mindlessly rip off the legs, disembowel it and sift through the lungs (devil fingers) and clean off the green gland (mustard) to get to the delicious backfin meat. What kind of barbarian am I? Gross. When in Rome... I guess...

Shocking as it may be, I will sit for hours picking crab, socializing and taking in the sweet summer sun. Especially when it means sitting on a deck overlooking the water. I love it.

It is one of those things that I was raised on. I didn't learn that making cookies from scratch meant mixing things like flour and eggs until I was 16- but I feel as though I have always known how to eat a crab. I am thankful for summer and for living on one big body of brackish water that houses those beautiful blue crab beauties.

breaking the fast

2010-07-04T00:11:00.003-04:00

I know you aren't really looking for an explanation or excuse... we all go through these days or weeks or months without writing for different reasons. Sometimes it is time- yep, I have not taken the time to blog and I have also not felt like I had a lot of extra time to blog. I tried to watch a movie on two separate occasions with someone this week and absolutely fell asleep both times. Camp is in full swing and so "extra time" is but a figment of the imagination.

But, let's be real I just don't make the time either. Camp doesn't swallow me completely whole. I have enjoyed so much of these last 4 and a half weeks of camp and have wanted to capture some of the memories in writing, and I just... haven't. Actually, I brought my camera to work every day this past week to capture memories in this way, and did not take one picture. Lame. But, I have left the property, visited some lovely friends and even gone out to eat a few times... sometimes with my husband, even. It is crazy how we work alongside each other every day but really have to carve out time in the summer to actually be together.

All that's to say- I like to blog about things. That's why I keep this silly weblog. I like it. I love the reading and writing of blogs. But, I felt, I think, that I had to break the fast in a way before I could really write anything. I wasn't sure what to post without somehow breaking the ice with a "hello again", sort of post. Whatever that is supposed to mean...

I think it has been so long I felt like if I didn't acknowledge it, it might be like when people on sitcoms leave without explanation for a season. Like on Boy Meets World when Cory's little sister was gone for a good stretch of time and just showed up one day. She mentions something about being in her room for the "longest time-out she's ever had". I feel like there was another show where the sister disappears and when she comes back just tells her family, "what? I was just getting something to eat..." and goes back into the kitchen. Anybody with me on these?

Anyway- it kind of feels like that to me. So with that, I would like to blog... soon. I mean, camp is the craziest time of year so I am not challenging my self to a post every three days... but, I would like to blog. And if you are still around I hope you'd like to read. Now to catch up on quite a few readings myself...

'bout time.

2010-06-02T22:26:00.004-04:00

About 8 years ago Ben and I became a "thing". You know, we dated... then didn't date... then dated again... And sometime in between then and my junior year in college, I thought "I could marry this guy". So, in May of 2006 Ben proposed and I said yes with fervor.

The next year I did my darnedest to finish my senior year of college, plan a wedding, graduate college and then finally tie the knot. In this year I studied hard but also dropped the ball a few times on things, I'm sure. I planned certain things for the wedding to a 't' and I freaked out and dropped the ball on some things with the wedding too. Like when I made the programs for our wedding and dated them all to say 2005 (two years earlier than the actual year)... oops. Needless to say, I created a pretty crazy year for myself. But, the diploma came as did wedding day and it was all perfect.

Then that crazy part was over and it was time to move on to a new and different crazy part of life. Life came (and camp came) at us fast. Almost three years later, 8 CD's worth of pictures sat staring me in the face with no printed, photographic evidence that the wedding actually happened. I had to make my own wedding album people, and apparently this wasn't a task I was ready to face head on. I have thought about scrapbooking and I have done a few various mock-ups on photo websites-- but I could never commit.

Last week I got an email coupon from shutterfly.com (it was a sign!) and my aunt was visiting (bonus!) so, I basically forced her to sit with me for a few hours and throw something together. It was time.

I made a wedding album, thank you very much. And it came today! On our anniversary. Perfect.

It's not the fanciest thing you have ever seen and I am sure I left out something very important... but regardless, I can look at 22 12x12 pages of June 2, 2007 whenever I want to. Now, I realize this book will probably collect dust in a short time here... but at least I have a wedding album for crying out loud!

Here's to three fabulous years- and the pictures to prove it's legit.

*In other news- day 1 of staff training. Excellent.

in memoriam

2010-05-30T15:05:00.004-04:00

Memorial Day can certainly mean different things to different people. Regardless of the three or four day weekend and the monday bbq's and pool parties, it is a day to remember those who have died in service to our country.

I learned today, in church actually, that the first Memorial Day was celebrated by freed slaves that paid their respects to a graveyard of union soldiers. There was a mass grave where fallen union soldiers were thrown and the former slaves basically exhumed their bodies and gave them individual graves. It's a pretty interesting story- I had never heard before (or if I had in school, I never paid any attention).

I thought for this year's Memorial Day I would share some pictures of two men in my family that served in the Navy. Neither of them died (well they have both died...) but neither died in service. Both of them were named Robert (a pretty popular name in my family) and I am sure that they both knew of many men who did die in the service.

Great Grandpa Robert

That's him on the right. Look at those sweet sailor outfits!

Great Uncle Robert (on the left)

and, now on the right. I love this one, I think it looks like an old ad. And I am pretty sure there is a sign up for a 30 cent cocktail...

Thanks men, and ladies. Both then and now.

you may not find this as funny...

2010-05-26T22:04:00.000-04:00

...but I just about died laughing.

Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous? My sister-in-law sent us this most recent pic of the pup. It looks as though Rigby suffered whiplash in a mild car accident. But no, she just has a hurt neck. Slipped a disc apparently. The vet gave her steroids and some muscle relaxers. They told us "just have her take it easy for a while so it can heal". This red dog may be old but she surely does not understand the command "take it easy"... So, when it didn't heal well enough, they gave her this little immobilizer to set things straight (literally).

ready... set...

2010-05-22T10:50:00.001-04:00

In just days, really, our camp family of about 22 people grows to about 65 people. Shortly thereafter, almost 200 kids are added to that number.

If those who know me had to describe me in one or few words, they might say- outgoing, extrovert, must be with people- always... something like that.

But, can I tell you a secret? Around this time, almost every year, I get anxious... I feel slightly overwhelmed by all of the people that will be arriving. I know, right? Crazy.

The truth is, I get a little nervous at the thought of meeting upwards of 30 new people in a day. I get nervous about seeing staff that I haven't seen for the past nine months and have only kept up with via facebook. These things, for whatever reason, tie my stomach in knots. Knots, not because I am dreading these meetings or even not looking forward to them- I love it! But, I just get nervous. All of a sudden camp, just, happens. The thing that I start thinking about as soon as the last day of camp is over the previous summer. The thing that I anticipate, plan for, and imagine for 10 months just... begins! For the past few years I have been granted the task of hiring some of our counseling staff. I love it. And in a little more than a week I finally get to meet these strangers that I have talked with on the phone and prayed over for weeks. gah! I love the busyness of camp and the nonstop problem-solving, fun, adventure and surprise that comes with each day. I love that I work (kind of) along side all of my friends and my husband every day. I love this upcoming week when I clean the dorms for one last time before my two month hiatus. (oh blessed relief!) I love that as I clean the staff living space and put every lamp and doily in its place, I know that next week it will all just be shuffled aside to make way for the staff that will call that room 'home' for 10 weeks.

But I get nervous. Every year when the time closes in. When the time where occasional school or youth group using the giant swing gives way to the time when the giant swing is run multiple times a day. I get nervous that there are just too many loose ends to tie up before campers get here- and yet it always gets done. I get nervous that the time is coming when the buildings don't have time to collect dust because there is always so much activity.

But I love it. I do. And I love that I will have something like 270 neighbors for the summer. Bring it on.

stay classy, San Diego

2010-05-18T23:31:00.008-04:00

About 6 months ago for no good reason (or maybe because of a very good reason) some very mean people (or maybe just the United States Navy) forced (or maybe just afforded the opportunity) Kaley & Nick to move half way around the world (or maybe just to the other side of our country). Either way- I'm here, she's there and, it's tough. The good news is, the man-made gift of flight allowed Ben and I to spend a long weekend with Kaley in the great area of Southern California. We had such a good time. Ben was really excited for this traveling opportunity and I, for one, was really excited about getting to Cali in 5 short hours. The last time I visited the area it took us 5 days- 5 very action and desert packed days of fun, but 5 days nonetheless. It was really great- all of it. From the delish food we ate to the African Safari tour, it was fantastic.

Day one of our visit we journeyed "in-land" to San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park. Because we're 5. No, but really, can you ever really grow out of the zoo? Don't answer that.

It was only demi-impressive. We did get to go on a 30 minute tram ride through the "safari" which was neat. I mean, it's not every day you see rhinoceros and gazelles traipsing about with giraffes.

And I thought this elephant was funny.

This bald bird was very ugly. Nothing personal... I am sure he will be a beautiful swan someday. Or, something.

Isn't he pretty?

Proof the zoo is for children.

I got too close to this cactus which was unfortunate, but resulted in only minor injury to my right arm. I just felt we needed to take a photo at this location because I did, after all, make Ben and Kaley walk up the drastically steep hill to the "cactus garden". I have a thing for cacti. I don't know...

The next day, we visited the (apparently) renowned Hotel del Coronado.

Kaley put us up in this precious beach bungalow.

Okay, not true, but can you imagine?!

We visited the seals, because that's seriously cool. They just hang out there, like the jellyfish in the Bay except they're seals.

I got to meet Kaley and Nick's dog, Molly Weasley, whom I loved. Unfortunately, Molly really only loves Kaley. It doesn't matter what you do or say (or what Kaley does for that matter) Molly is the most loyal dog to Kaley, ever.

Ben touched the Pacific, which was high on his to-do list.

I was really amazed by the sheer cliffs that just drop off in to the Pacific Ocean. No coastal plains here (or, there... whatever).

Are you bored yet? Either way... there are just a few more. I am my aunt's child and I take way too many pictures. What to do with them? Blog.

I really enjoyed Cabrillo National park.

Especially the informative museum.

San Diego is just a very cool place to visit. And to see Kaley, so great. Spending time with friends is the best. The. Best. In fact, at Cabrillo Nat'l Park we learned of the lonely family that manned the lonely lighthouse on the hill. I expressed that I thought this salty-sea life might have been kind of peaceful and beautiful.

And both Ben and Kaley laughed in my face- I guess the reality is, I love to be with people, I need to be with people. And I loved being with Kaley this weekend- thanks for a great mini-vacay!

greetings, from SoCal

2010-05-16T02:35:00.000-04:00

Both yesterday and today have been the best. We've done a lot, laughed a lot, walked up a lot of hills and ate too much. Such an overdue visit to southern California to visit Kaley (I say overdue, but it's not that easy to go from sea to shining sea)... Today we visited Ocean Beach. A self proclaimed hippie area. This is what we saw:

Apparently, you can't leave your couch on the beach. If you set up your living room on the brim of the pacific, the lifeguards will tow it away. Bummer.

on packing

2010-05-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

You know it's bad when I am blogging about packing instead of actually packing. I don't know why I find this task so painstaking and... tricky. It is, you know... tricky. It's hard, even for a quick weekend trip, to know what is appropriate to pack. You need layers because weather is unpredictable (kind of). And you need multiple outfits, just in case. What if you pack jeans for church, but your destination church is not a jeans kind of place. Or, when a friend says a 'nice dinner' and you wear flip flops with that skirt because you didn't realize that in this case, nice, meant Ritz Carlton. I'm just saying- it's tricky.

Not so much for my husband. This bag has been packed for 24 hours and took about 20 minutes (or less) to pack. I sat while he packed and thought about packing. Not even half as effective.

The empty suitcase is so daunting...

I know I will over-pack... but I am scared of under-packing.
Do I carry-on or check? I don't abide by the $15 fee for your first checked bag. No thank you. But even if it's a free first bag- isn't it nice to not have to worry about baggage claim... or that time they lost my bag. Oh, but the 1 quart bag, 3 oz. or less...

Making progress. It always gets done. And I always forget something I didn't know I needed. Or something I didn't need comes with me... oh, packing... It's fine though, because the end result means travel. Which I love.

oh, deer.

2010-05-10T16:00:00.002-04:00

Seriously. These deer are the bane of my existence. It seems it doesn't matter what I try to plant, they eat it. They are like garbage disposals with legs. I have bought the supposed deer-resistant marigolds and begonias and yet been told- "deer will eat anything if they are hungry", (which is always), not to mention marigolds and begonias aren't my all time favorite flowers. So, when a beautiful display of purple, yellow and orange pansies were on sale at a local nursery I said "screw it" and bought a bunch for our flower boxes. They were bright and abundant and I just knew they would be the perfect snack for our neighborhood deer. But again, I am over it- I wanted to plant the kind of flowers I wanted to plant and just, hope for the best. I sprinkled a ridiculous amount of Irish Spring soap all over the flowers because I have heard that is a great deer deterrent. Perfect. Welcome spring. And, a few glorious days passed before I woke up to this:

I knew it would happen. Yet, I am somehow really disappointed. I want a garden but I don't want it to become the midnight-snack-stop for Bambi. I don't think an 8 foot fence just for my flower beds is reasonable. I hear a dog is a great way to keep deer out of your yard... oh well... What to do...

The culprit:

Look at them! Blocking the road like they own it.

And this one- can you see him climbing over that fence??

Ruthless... Savages.

for he's a jolly good fellow

2010-05-04T22:28:00.004-04:00

Today was my husband's birthday, so I figure what better time to share a little from his busy weekend in Frederick. He and our neighbor friend decided a while ago they wanted to run a few races together. Ben and I did our first ever race together 2 years ago. It was the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. I worked hard for those 3 miles... Ben, wasn't fazed. He runs a lot. You know, lacrosse, soccer, just for fun... but no races really. Then, he and Neal did a 10k together. A 10k which my husband finished seconds before I crossed the finish line... for my 5k. That cut pretty deep, but oh well. Anyway, this past weekend, in the freakish 80 degree weather at 8:00am, they ran the Frederick half marathon together. Successfully I might add! 1 hour and 53 minutes or something... I won't tell you how long it takes me to do those 5k's. So, here's to my husband, the gazelle- a runner, a great friend and husband, and cuatro de mayo's birthday boy!

nearing the finish line...

success!

kids love him too!

happy birthday to the greatest guy I know!

comments, thoughts, annotations, questions.

2010-04-27T23:14:00.002-04:00

I love your comments. I do. I blog because I like to write. I read blogs because I love to see what is going on in the lives of those I love (or, in a lot of cases- I read blogs of people I either barely know but still care about their blogging or I read up on people I don't know at all but just find their blog fascinating). But, regardless of all of these things- I would be lying if I said my blogging was only completely for inner satisfaction and I don't care to hear feedback (a little outside-affirmation)... because I do. And moreover, I am astounded when you have something to say about my silly little blog. I don't even have a beautiful baby who's pictures I can throw up every once in a while to satiate the reader's need for a little mushy baby love (here's to you C.) but still, you comment! Thanks.

Now, with that being said- I must confess there are some comments that I have never known what to do with. Questions. I read your questions, I care about them... and then... I do nothing. Because I have never known what to do. Am I to assume that you will come back, check my blog yet again and take the next step by checking my comments in order to see if I have answered your "comment-question"? Or, do I email you? Should I hope we are facebook friends and address your inquiry there? That almost seems too much. And so, I have always gone with this "sweep it under the rug" mentality and kind of ignored you.

Shame on me! Why you would ever come back to read this blog after such blatant displays of disrespect, is beyond me! However, if you are back- I am sorry, and thank you.

I was faced with this finally when a friend said "hey, why don't you answer questions on yo' blog?!" Good question faithful friend, good question. Here's the thing. I am going to answer questions in the comment section from now on. If you so choose to check back to see my response, great! If not, I can't say I'd blame you. Either way, all you are probably thinking at this point is, "Seriously, am I still reading this post? She is still rambling about comment-questions? Really? What, she gets like, 2 maybe 3 questions a year.... give me a break".

Oh well. There it is. Ask away, ask me anything. I'll answer...

which one of these is not like the other?

2010-04-23T22:34:00.004-04:00

One of these things is not like the others,

One of these things just doesn't belong,

Can you tell which thing is not like the others

By the time I finish my song?

Do you remember that from Sesame Street? They would sing that song and then show kids a few things that seemed mostly similar but had at least one main difference...

For the last 8 hours that is how I have felt about my eyes. I have two eyes... mostly similar... it's just that, somehow, pollen has completely attacked and taken over one of my eyes while leaving the other to be completely normal. One of these things (my eyes) is not like the other.

I am working this weekend with the retreat groups that are here at camp. Do you think they will look at me with sheer terror and disgust? I wonder... In the mean time, I just need to figure out a better plan than over the counter allergy meds! geesh!

earth day

2010-04-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

I love Earth Day, I really do. So, happy Earth Day everyone! I could blog about why recycling is great, or how to kill weeds in your garden with earth-friendly materials you have at home, or maybe give a brief history of the first man who thought setting aside a day to celebrate the earth was important. Or, I could tell you why, even though "this world is not our home... and it will pass away" I think it's a good thing to take care of it. But that all seems relatively boring.

Instead- to celebrate Earth Day and the wonderful work that our Maker created, I thought I would share with you some of the most beautiful places I have been able to see and experience on this great blue and green sphere.

Jekyll Island, Georgia

St. George, Bermuda

The Chesapeake Bay, Maryland

The Grand Canyon

Garden of the gods, Colorado

La Jolla, California

The Rhode River

Bosnia

Somewhere near Kassel, Germany

Natural hot springs, Costa Rica

The Caribbean Sea, Mexico

Brighton, Utah

what I really think about children

2010-04-19T23:26:00.005-04:00

People ask me all the time if I get the baby question a lot. I don't honestly. Not too many people ask me, "so, are you two thinking about having children anytime soon?" I don't go to baby showers and get a lot of, "who's next? Is it you, Tara?" I just don't hear it too often. Maybe mostly people are thoughtful and don't want to pry. But, I have quite a few married friends who say that they get that question, enough- maybe not a lot, but enough. I wonder if it's because I emanate this anti-baby vibe. Or maybe they have overheard me as I have answered another person by saying something like, "children? oh, no no, we don't want those things." Maybe. Maybe it is because I am too young for my own good. Whatever it is, I don't get the baby question a lot.

If I do hold conversation with people about rearing children it always ends with something like, "yes, we do want kids, someday"... but that is not my first, most eager, response. I usually cringe a little inside, visions of pregnancy discomfort flow through my head and the idea of being the sole entertainment for an infant, or any stage of life pre 5 years old, terrifies me.

There are a lot of really beautiful babies and pregnant women in my life right now. The first year (into the second year) of our marriage we attended upwards of 10 weddings, I think I even blogged about it. This year, I am closing in on that number with baby showers. I have had the opportunity to hold and love many of these dear babies my dear friends have birthed. But, I never get that itch. You know, that, I wonder what it would be like to have one of these of my own, itch. That's not really me. I love these babies and maybe even get the itch to hold them, but not to have my own.

With that said, make no mistake. I adore children. Love them, respect them, desire wonderful things for them, pray for them, laugh at them and with them, love 'em. I mean it. I really do. And I have a lot of really great babies, and children, in my life that I can love. And I am thankful for this. Not to mention, I work at a place where one of our main goals and desires is to love children. To respect them, desire wonderful things for them, pray for them and laugh at and with them. I work at that place. It's called Camp love.respect.hope.pray.laugh with children. And it's the best.

I will never forget one of my first summers working with children- a much wiser, funnier and stronger friend of mine challenged me with something that I still remind myself of today. When Jesus interacts with children in the Bible he just, lets, them, come. In Matthew 19:14, we learn this: "Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” I don't know exactly what the children did when they finally got to come up to Jesus. I don't know if he sat them down and taught them the most important lesson they would ever hear. But I can imagine that they sat on him, asked him questions, pulled at his beard, told him he was so tall and maybe that his robe was a nice color. But the children just, came, to be with Jesus. He loved them.

He loved them. Sometimes it's hard for me- I want to carry on an adult conversation with a 6 year old to get to know them. They just want to sit next to me and read the same Max & Ruby book over and over. We have to find a happy medium. That's not true, I just give in and realize the best situation is reading the book and I can't give away the predictable ending like I want to- the clouds keep coming and his shadow disappears, doesn't he get that?!

Despite the look on my face when asked about having kids, (which is usually one that portrays something that looks like I just finished eating a basket of lemons), or the lack of questioning because I seem to be the least likely to mother... I do love children. Of all ages. I think they are so precious, so curious and so giving. And theirs, is the kingdom of heaven.

car nap

2010-04-16T08:17:00.003-04:00

I fall asleep in cars. Almost all the time. I remember being a small child and riding in my dad's work truck- it had a diesel engine and had that constant vibration and lulling noise that put me to sleep literally every time I rode in it. I remember feeling so small in the big saw-dust filled bench seat. And also, there wasn't really a lot to talk about- ergo, perfect conditions for napping.

Maybe that's really where it started, I don't know. Regardless, I now find the car the easiest place to nap. My favorite is when the sun shines in on my side and I'm nice and warm. Long car rides are great because I take the "short cut" and sleep through state after state. A few years ago Ben, my aunt and I drove to Georgia and I didn't see Virginia through South Carolina. It doesn't have to be a long car ride, however. Sometimes the 30 minute drive home from church serves as a perfect nap time.

Now, I know what you are thinking- if it is so easy for me to fall asleep in cars, isn't this a concern when I am the driver!? The answer is, yes. Yes very much so. I have never actually fallen asleep at the wheel, of course, but I absolutely detest driving for more than an hour at night because of my love of car-napping. It's a concern. So, if I call you late at night whilst driving so that I don't ram my car into a tree... don't say I didn't warn you!

As for riding shotgun on a sunny afternoon, destination anywhere, I love a good car nap. It's also really quite productive- I get a nap in while en route to go somewhere to do something... two birds with one stone, really.

Where is your favorite place to nap? Oh, a couch? Yea, that's normal. But I'm not a good couch napper and I couldn't even think of napping in my bed in the middle of the day (because a bed is the weirdest place to sleep)... but really, it's just all made up and not to be used until, you know, nighttime. Maybe I should start sitting in my car for afternoon naps- I mean, without going anywhere, just take a pillow and sit out in the driveway. Not a bad idea...

my soapbox on word verification

2010-04-14T09:02:00.000-04:00

I want to talk about word verification. This little box always trips me up. It adds a little strife to my blog-reading. I want to comment on your latest post... but then, dun dun dun, I have to get through the word verification. It's like five to seven letters- how hard should this be? But somehow, nearly every time, I mess up. They squish the letters so close together and pick words that almost look like real words but are actually just jumbled nothingness. For instance, smwm- I immediately type in "swim" because my brain somehow figured that really "swim" is what it meant to say. Then the red-lettered message appears: "The characters you entered did not match the word verification. Please try again." And when they distort the letters and numbers as if you are looking in one of those fun-house mirrors, forget it! Do you know how many times I have been nervous about loosing concert tickets in my seven minute window due to these little "captcha's"? One too many my friends.

Look, I understand that we are trying to eliminate bots or machines from leaving terrible comments on blogs, or buying out all of the front row seats at the hippest rock show in town... but seriously, is it okay that this is a program administered by a machine to determine whether or not I am human? hmmm? Is my recognition of words like, sublaso, rapshe, skytedul, or dopotter, really a fair test?

Listen I know the intentions are probably good. And I can see the benefit. Really, (I think), I can. Whomever designed this little idea is great, really great- after all they are saving cyber-space, one bot at a time. And honestly I don't really have any explanation for my current frustrations with said word verification. I think it may have something to do with the score:

machine administered word verification: 100

real live person named tara: 0

Now, I did warn you in this post's title that it would be, me, on a bit of a soapbox... But, let's be real. It comes down to one embarrassing fact- I have a hard time typing those dang things in, and that, is silly.

the cottage girl

2010-04-13T13:26:00.006-04:00

Have you read cottage girl's blog? You should pop over and check it out. It always has so many beautiful colors to look at.

And, while you are there, wish her a happy birthday today!

by the way- I will absolutely come over and clean with any of you! Just remember this, you all have one common thread that I do not share-- multiple children. I commend you for even keeping the house standing with those tiny people running around!

on why I need a hobby

2010-04-12T11:28:00.002-04:00

I like clean things. I feel chaotic and stressed by a sink full of dishes or spots on the countertop. I like a nice vacuumed floor, a shiny stainless steel trash can, a dust free (and pollen free, for crying out loud) surface, papers in their place, and if I am being really honest- clean dishes and an empty dishwasher or clean clothes and and empty hamper are my favorite times of day. In college I would sometimes clean certain things, like the bed linens, of my roommate who shall remain nameless. I just like it. It really doesn't bother me to clean because there is something therapeutic about it and when you are done, the cleanliness is like bliss. In my adult life (didn't matter so much as a kid) I have become a big fan of the idea that if you clean as you go, or put things away the first time, you won't have a big pile of things or a big mess to deal with later (actually, this isn't really an idea, it's true!).

I also can't stand clutter- which is probably mainly because I haven't lived on my own in the largest of spaces. In college it would make me crazy if one thing was out of place because in the tininess of one room shared by two people, the littlest thing could make it seem messy. Even now, while our house is the perfect size for us, it is rather quaint and again things out of place make me feel slightly stressed because the space is small to begin with.

My aunt has always warned me of such a life. I grew up in a clean home but it is safe to say that there was no problem with the kitchen table being the "catch all". My aunt would always clean, and clean well, but all the while not concerned if someone came over and there was a dust bunny in the corner. Normal. I am not normal. I am like some of my other dear friends, but I am not normal. And I don't know how I got this way. Carolyn tried to kindly warn me, "okay, but you can't let cleaning worry you too much... it can't be an obsession... just don't go overboard..."

Something new entered my life about two months ago, and I have to get rid of it. About two months ago I asked my mother-in-law if I could borrow her Bissell "little green", a hand held spot cleaner for carpets and upholstery. There was this pesky spot on the driver's seat in our little car and I wanted to get it out. My MiL (mother-in-law) then told me that it hadn't been working great lately and I should take her bigger Bissell which included a hand-held attachment I could use on the seat.

And then it began.

In the past two months we have cleaned the car, all of the seats, I have done the couches (which have couch covers), and I have done the floors three, yes 3, times. In two months! Why? I have no explanation.

I need to give the thing back. For a lot of reasons, one being it's not mine, and I have really "out-stayed my welcome" and also I've gotta let go. The carpet is fine.

Time to let go. It can't become an obsession. I can't go overboard...

family vay-cay

2010-04-07T22:17:00.006-04:00

I feel very fortunate to have traveled to a couple of different places in my little life time. I have traveled some places to do short-term missions, sometimes to visit family and sometimes on vacation. I have visited a lot of really great places and yet I feel like I have barely seen anything. This world is so very big. As for vacationing, I can say my favorite vacation spots tend to have two common denominators.

warm sunshine.

the beach.

Hands down. The two very best things about a vacation.

A cruise ship is not necessarily, in my mind, what makes up a perfect vacation. However, somehow, of the four family vacations I have taken in the last three years, 3 have included a big ol' boat. When it comes to these "boat vacations" there is one common denominator.

clouds + rain.

However, much to my surprise and joy, I spent the last week on a cruising vacation with my husband and my in-laws to Costa Maya and Cozumel, Mexico and, it. did. not. rain.

Hallelujah, people! We had warm sunshine! In March!

And there was even a beach involved. Amazing.

I used an entire bottle of SPF 50, half a bottle of SPF 70 and spent upwards of 32 hours in the sunshine. I read two books, chatted with my sister-in-law, enjoyed free soft-serve ice cream and soaked in the rays of delicious vitamin-D. For four glorious days.

To add some other activities in the mix-

we ate the most delicious Mexican food,

we climbed to the top of a Mexican lighthouse to enjoy a beautiful view,

we drove around the Island of Cozumel (and I got to drive our open-air Wrangler due to the fact that I was really the only one in the family who knows how to drive stick. Thank you, Carolyn! Those pain-staking hours 8 years ago, of stalling-out at stop signs, were worth it!)

we saw wild native crocodiles,

we visited a mayan ruin, El Caracol, that stood about as high as my shoulders, (with great history though, great history...)

we saw authentic Mexican dancers... with gunned militia close by...

and, we even went snorkeling.

For about 45 minutes I struggled, I mean swam gracefully, through a coral reef. I was hesitant at first. I have snorkeled before, and enjoyed it, but as soon as I remember that I am not behind glass in the aquarium (which is freaky in and of itself) but rather in their natural habitat, I become mildly panicked. And when the tour guide says something like, "Don't worry about the crocodiles swimming into the Caribbean, the sharks scare them off..." it does not help. And those daggone flippers. What am I supposed to do with those things? And I swear my pointy nose doesn't allow the mask to tightly seal around my face and water always creeps in. Geesh. But, the beautiful purple fan coral, lobsters, and Dory-like fish just about made all of those anxiety-inducing factors almost completely subside.

Overall, I was so thankful for the break, time with the family... and that sunshine. mmmm, that sunshine.

Time for summer now, please.

bunny cake

2010-04-04T22:46:00.003-04:00

Bunny Cake has been a long standing tradition in my family-- I remember spending almost every Easter "eve" in the past boiling eggs for dyeing and creating the Bunny Cake with my aunt, Carolyn. I have always known it was a tradition of my mom's, too, and Easter just doesn't feel the same without it.

The first Bunny Cake of our family was created by my mother and my Aunt Lois in 1972. Obviously, I was not a part of that first experience- since my mom was a senior in high school. I was so excited when Carolyn e-mailed me this picture yesterday. There are so many things I love about it.

I love that they are maybe, 18, in this photo.

I love that my mom is in this picture.

I love that for whatever reason, they randomly decided to make a cake, not knowing what a tradition they had started.

I love that they are standing in the house where I grew up.

I love that my aunt eventually painted over that faux wood paneling.

I love that the Bunny Cake looks so similar to what we still make today (although, to be honest, I think we have only improved as a family).

I love my Auntie Lo's hair (the brunette in the photo) so stylish!

I love that my Aunt Lois has balloons- balloons? And her coy look in this picture.

I love that I missed out on the blonde hair gene. Whatever...

When our little camp family decided to have a cook-out Easter dinner, I knew what my food contribution would be- a Bunny Cake, of course.

I hope your Easter was blessed. There is so much hope in the Resurrection. And so much sugar and fond memories in a Bunny Cake.

april 2nd

2010-04-03T18:46:00.002-04:00

I know I'm a little late to post about April 2nd... but most unfortunately, I was incapacitated on a cruise ship. bummer. More on that later, as I would love to share highlights of my blessed sunny spring break.

For now-- a few things I learned during my time on a boat to tide you over...

- Foreigners with thick accents (of any kind) say my name in a much prettier way than I do. When you face it, my name sounds like "Tare-uh", bleh. But, Filipino, Mexican, Indian, whatever... they say my name with a short "a" and roll the "r". Lovely.

- I found 3 grammatical typos in a Ted Dekker book and 1 in a Nicholas Sparks book. I think this is odd, and kind of annoying.

- Snorkeling (after working through a tiny mental block of fear for many stupid reasons) is really quite magical.

- The most deliciously prepared black beans can be found in Mexico. End of story.

But about April 2nd. We were on the boat on April 2nd and I couldn't help but look at Ben and say "ah, it's April 2nd" he looked at me and just smiled. (We reflected on the fact that this April 2nd was also Good Friday, and let's be real, it wasn't easy to take our place in the sun while remembering the sacrifice of our Lord) Be that as it may... I smile on April 2nd, year after year, because I remember it is the day Ben took me on our first date- in 2002.

Of course, I think back fondly on this day- albeit he took me to a restaurant I kind of hate (Red Lobster... it's the baby seals... ask me later... or, don't) and a movie we both thought was an epic fail (the Rookie). Regardless, it is ingrained in my memory as this dreamy and surreal evening where I, at the ripe old age of 16, got to go on a date with him. I didn't have a driver's license yet but I did have a curfew. Ben, however, picked me up in his '89 Cherokee which was, so cool. He, no doubt, paid for our date with some sort of "income" known also as "allowance". I thought he was cuter and more popular than I was which made me thankful he didn't go to my high school- for fear he would be surprised by my "social group" or lack there of. If it weren't for my nearly 6-foot-tall stature I surely would have blended-in the crowded halls. He was in the National Honors Society and I was celebrating my C- in Algebra 2. In high school I had gone once to the all important homecoming dance with an "ex-boyfriend", once stood up completely by my date and at another dance ditched half way through. True story. Then, Ben took me to homecoming and prom and it was the best. Obviously, many other dates followed (not at Red Lobster) and we began a history together. We've had many ups and we've had downs. We've cried and consoled and we've yelled (well, I've yelled) we've plotted and planned, we've failed and succeeded, we've grown apart and together, and we've loved in spite of and because of each other.

But I am mostly thankful on April 2nd because 8 years later he still chooses me.

i'm dreaming of...

2010-03-28T03:30:00.002-04:00

see you next week!

treasures untold

2010-03-23T17:53:00.002-04:00

As you know, I clean here at camp. It's what I do. I do a few other things as well- but from August to May, mainly I clean. This year I have a beautiful and intelligent partner who makes the time 3,000x more enjoyable. Some days I am cleaning human poo off of a wall and it doesn't even phase me because my cleaning buddy and I are having a riveting conversation. The fact is, I love the company and cleaning even the dirtiest room is suddenly hysterical and lovely because of her presence.

Most days we don't find too much other than toothpaste in the sink-- from building to building we go through our routine. But, every now and again we find things... sometimes amazing and perplexing things. I often think, "I could write a book about this stuff... something like 'The treasures of two housekeeping girls'". But, instead, I figured it's time I grace you all with the list. You may not care, and that is okay, but I guess it is my blog after all and you are willing to read it... so, with that said, here is a list of things we have found just lying around when cleaning up after retreat groups. (Be warned, some of this is not for the faint of stomach.)

- Shoes, clothes, socks

- A journal

- A diaper

- Glow-in-the dark Rosary

- Broken glass

- Blood

- A small felt doll somewhat resembling a voo-doo doll

- Plastic bugs

- A tiny screwdriver

- Wrapped candy (tempting)

- Unwrapped candy (not as tempting)

- Martian Child, the DVD

- Mulch

- A ruler with pictures and names of the US Presidents

- 1 Liter of Redken conditioner

- Multiple bars of hairy soap

- A basketball

- Dice

- Lyrics of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song

- Yoga mat (after a Men's group, no less)

- Five dollars

again, I realize this list is pointless... but sometimes I find myself thinking, "man, I really ought to write this stuff down"...

going paperless

2010-03-19T15:52:00.003-04:00

My husband has this thing with getting statements in the mail. Bank, credit card, cell phone, car insurance... you name it, we get a five page statement via the pony express. I have asked on more than one occasion if I can please choose the paperless option and get our statements through email instead. This will reduce the number of trees our little family personally destroys to have things printed on and will vastly help to de-clutter. He says no, he likes to have, in his hands, the actual real paperwork to keep on file.

Fine. That is fine. I am okay with this because, let's be real, he has a greater hand in paying those bills than I do.

Then... it occurred to me...

He never actually looks at them... they never make it to his hands!

I receive them in the mail each month and file them in this little box for him to peruse through at his leisure.

Then, the month comes and goes and I file them in the appropriate folder in our already too stuffed filing cabinet.

And he never looks at them! Once I came to this realization and shared it with Ben he said... "yea good point, we really should just do paperless".

Finally! Freedom! Less clutter! I win!

And now. I am too nervous. I have finally been given the go-ahead and I am nervous that somehow, if we receive these statements only through email we will be some cyber-space creepster's next victims of identity theft. What little we have will be stripped from us while we go about our day as seemingly normal people. Our identity, stolen right out from under us. Not only will our accounts be wiped out, but we will be indebted to some casino in Reno and "own" a Lamborghini we can't pay for. Then when we try to get back on our feet, our social security numbers will be marked as un-hire-able and our reputations will be smeared. We will inevitably be forced to change our identity and move to a country half way around the world never to see our family and friends again.

All because I wanted to de-clutter that ridiculous file cabinet.

What do you think?

erin go bragh!

2010-03-17T11:54:00.002-04:00

Happy St. Patty's Day to you all! I like to take a little ownership of my heritage on this day. It is the only day of the year that I think "hey, I am Irish!" I could wear all those kitchy-tees that say things about being Irish.

It's the one day of the year that I like to think I was actually named after the Kings' residence in Ireland instead of a southern plantation in Gone With the Wind.

It is the one day of the year that my maiden name seems cool instead of just the name I shared with half of the people I rode the bus with in high school (none of whom I was related to). I would get asked all the time growing up-- "oh are you related to so and so Sullivan?" or, "Can we call you Sully?" No, no, and no.

But on St. Patrick's Day I like to remember that Sullivan is supposedly the third most popular name in Ireland today- hooray for surviving the potato famine.

Today is also the only day of the year that I allow myself the liberty of wearing bright orange and green together and baking a loaf of green bread (it's true, we did that).

So, Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! Embrace your inner leprechaun.

derek webb & jennifer knapp

2010-03-14T11:15:00.005-04:00

Last week Ben bought tickets for me to see Derek Webb and Jennifer Knapp in concert. And it was awesome. I mean, to be fair, I love a good live concert featuring umm, anyone. That doesn't mean I necessarily listen to their CD in the car... but for the most part, I am a sucker for some good live music. But I like these two. A lot.

Derek Webb truly was fantastic to listen to. I think his guitar-playing skills are fairly wonderful and his lyrics often cause me to stop and think-- I mean really think about what he is saying. I don't know-- it's Derek Webb. You either love him or he greatly offends you.

And then, there is Jennifer Knapp. Who even is that? Well, Jennifer Knapp broke in to the Christian music scene years ago with her slightly controversial music featuring songs that refer to "skin-art junkies" and crazy things like that. And I guess some people thrived on her chick-rock.

For me, I discovered her in high school. There came a time in my life when I felt it was time to put the Tool album down (I know, it's more embarrassing for me to say than it is for you to read) and I needed to discover some more wholesome tunes, needless to say. I would often go into the Christian Bookstore and just choose an artist based on the album cover. I need not tell you, I picked some real doozies. But one day I saw this album cover and felt like this girl had something to say.

And I think, she did. Her lyrics were overtly Christian-y and yet thoughtful and, well, my favorite- folky. I loved it. I loved it so much it skips like crazy now. A year or so later I got to see her in concert and stood watching her, star struck. I thought she was so cool. The coolest. And then I bought all of her other CDs including her last album with essentially a "farewell" letter to her fans. She dropped off the face of the earth. (I later learned she spentmost of her time in the Australian Outback, so she really kind of did fall of the face of the earth). Some said she didn't love God anymore, some said she was someone's baby mama... you know, those Christian rumor mills of "pray for Jennifer Knapp... she is struggling with so and so and such and such".

And then, Ben (of all people) told me she was back. I had stopped searching, I figured her music career was just over, and besides, since then my music collection had grown. But, she came back. And Ben bought us tickets to see her in concert.

I loved it. I loved hearing her play her old songs. I loved hearing her new stuff. In my opinion (which isn't much) it was perfect.

She talked about her 5 year hiatus. She talked about how she didn't pick up her guitar once, or, feel the need to write a song. She said that she felt her faith was tied so strongly to this guitar that she wasn't sure if she stopped playing it, maybe she was not a Christian anymore. Her guitar, the "machine" as she called it, defined her. And she was not sure she could ever return to it again. And then, for whatever reason, she felt like it was time to write again. She felt like she could write whatever she wanted and God could still be seen through her work-- even if His name wasn't in the songs titles. Anyway, I thought it was a beautiful story. I thought about that in my own life. I am not a musician or an artist in anyway, but I can imagine feeling so tied to something that I let it define me.

And then, my friend Drea (who now has a baby!) and I stuck around feeling hopeful about maybe meeting her. Derek Webb just wanted to catch his cab, but was still a nice guy- but Jennifer Knapp talked for a bit with the 12 of us that stuck around being mildly creepy fans that we were. And then, she took a photo with us.

So, that was that time I met Jennifer Knapp- I think I am glad that I blindly picked up her CD 9 years ago.

college experience(s)

2010-03-09T13:07:00.006-05:00

My college experience didn't turn out exactly how I had imagined it would. I guess I thought I would go to one school for four years, become active in resident hall activities and barely spend my weekends back home. I thought I would go in to youth ministry, whatever that might look like, and gain the knowledge and tools to study the Bible more effectively. For a while when I was young I knew I would go to Liberty University because some of the great women in my life went there. And then, I knew I would go to LaGrange College in Georgia because another really great woman went there and so that is where I'd go. And then I thought I needed to go somewhere in a big city- like U Penn or something like that to really get the true college experience.

Then, I met this guy in high school- we dated, and then broke up, because the stress of going into college as a high school couple became too intense. Then, we got back together and completely coincidentally decided to go to the same college (yea right, totally of our own volition).

We both chose Eastern University right outside of Philadelphia, Pa. It was pretty. Really pretty. And seemed college-y enough and yet quaint and small town enough to suit our needs.

I even tried a cheesesteak in the city because it seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't love it, and the cheesesteak-making men are kind of scary.

And then I looked at projected loan repayment and cried. I decided I didn't want to do youth ministry anymore (as a major anyway) because I wanted something that led me down a more definite and promising path (and then 4 years later graduated with a degree in conflict resolution, so there was obviously a disconnect there with a choosing a more "pointed" major...) Anyway, I just couldn't bear the thought of staying at Eastern and paying all that money.

I secretly also felt that the only thing that would save my relationship with my high-school-sweetheart was a little distance between us.

So I went home for Christmas break and never returned.

I enrolled in the local community college and immediately felt I had un-graduated. I went to school from 8 to 3 then went home and had classes with what seemed like half of my high school graduating class. I wasn't involved in any campus "activities" and my resident hall-mates were my aunt and uncle. I absolutely learned that community college is not a walk in the park but I did make the Dean's list more than once. I also paid like one-eighteenth in tuition costs compared to Eastern. But, I missed Eastern, so much.

Eventually I exhausted all that the community college had to offer and had to pick a new spot. I knew I could only afford so much. It was between two state schools and I based my decision solely on the advice of my high school friend. She said she liked it at Salisbury and her campus apartment might even possibly have a spot for me to move in. The other 6 roommates graciously accepted this idea and I loved the idea of going to school with Kaley. So, without ever having seen the campus, and thankful that my time at the community college made it so that I did not have to submit my SAT scores, I applied and was accepted to Salisbury University. But I still missed Eastern...

Salisbury is where I earned my degree. And I am glad. I am still thankful for the classes I took and the friends I made. I even kind of like that I ended up in the field of communications and conflict resolution.

I never would have made it through those classes without this girl...

I went to our campus crusade "chapels" at Salisbury more than I ever went to chapel at Eastern and cut my loans in more than half. Hallelujah! It really was a good experience. But I visited Eastern quite a bit- mostly because I missed Ben, but also because I just missed the place.

And sometimes I still miss Eastern. I don't know what it is. I was there for about four months but it is so nostalgic to me. I think Philadelphia is fun. I think Eastern's campus is just beautiful. I don't know, there is just something about that place. I don't often miss the industrial chicken town that is Salisbury, but that might have something to do with the horrors of thievery and breaking & entering that was our senior year... but that is a story for another day.

So, I will periodically ask Ben, "can we go to Philly this weekend?" and usually there is a reason why it doesn't make much sense. But, this past week, I proposed a trip to him again and he said "let's just do it". Our friend is still living there in the city and we wanted to visit him and I recruited a friend to come along with us as well.

And it is still a great place, I think.

Running up the "Rocky steps" is always a must...

All in all I am thankful for my college experiences. I might do it differently if I could do it all over- but I am glad I am not given that chance. I am glad I got to live on a hall full of girls and enjoy all there was at Eastern, even if only for four months. I am glad that I go to live with my aunt and uncle for a year and take some classes for dirt cheap. I am glad that I got to do the apartment thing with a bunch of great girls for two and a half years and I am glad I was the president of the conflict resolution club for a little while (yea, true story). I am glad that Ben continued his four years at Eastern and I am glad we got married after three and half years of two totally different college experiences. And I am glad I have a reason to visit Philadelphia and have a few small memories there.

dear inkberries.

2010-02-27T16:32:00.003-05:00

I love the earth and the things that grow in it. However, I have never pretended that I do a good job at keeping living plants and things under my care.

I almost always kill plants. Even those that are tough to kill. I had a ficus in college (which I loved) and my roommate and I got to the point where if you didn't touch it (or stare at it for too long) it looked okay because the dead leaves were barely hanging on. One bump to the tree and a whole branch would drop its leaves. Sad.

I do the same in my home now- people give me beautiful things and try as I may, I kill them. If they aren't dead, they just don't go anywhere. I mean, they sit and look the same, no blooms, no nothing. I didn't even think that was possible. I have had tiny successes- like half of our veggie garden grew last summer! The other half was eaten by mangey squirrels. And, my aunt gave me a philodendron years ago that is virtually impossible to kill, though I have gotten close more than a few times. But, that's about it.

When it came time to finally do something with our flower bed outside of the front of our house, Ben and I searched far and wide at the local nursery to find the most deer-resistant and Tara's-lack-of-a-green-thumb-resistant plants. We chose these happy little hollies called Inkberries. They are green, they don't need much sun, or water for that matter, and deer don't find them tasty. Perfect!

And I did not kill them.

But the snOMG did.

I can't believe it... the snow has been melting quite a bit in the past week with some of these "warmer" days- And finally the horror was revealed to me. Under the weight of 800 inches of snow were my Inkberry bushes- broken. Now what? do I trim them to nothingness and hope they grow back into the lovely shape they once were?

bawlamore, hon.

2010-02-20T22:37:00.010-05:00

Really, this post starts with a plea for prayer. My sweet little friend is in the ICU with a yucky infection on top of his chronic lung disease. Ever since the day that he was born (9 weeks, or so, early) God has done so many great things and shown Himself in amazing ways- but he is fighting another little battle right now.

In an effort to help out his mom and dad in even the tiniest way, we spent a couple of days with his big sister, trying to keep her 5-year-old-self occupied and entertained with some of the fun that Baltimore has to offer.

First stop, the Maryland Science Center. When we first arrived I thought this adventure would only be short lived. The dino bones were only so-so compared to the cheap-as-free Smithsonian and for a five year old, Newton's Alley just wasn't going to cut it. As much as I tried to interest her in gyro-sphere's, how pulleys work and a stringless harp, it was a little above this kindergartner (and she's the smartest!). And, one can only stare at the giant animatronic blue crab for so long.

Then... we found the Kid's Corner...

A special haven of wonder for kids only up to 8 years old- this trove included the simplistic joys of knobs to turn, buttons to push and running water to splash around in. And it, was, awesome. We spent well over an hour playing "captain of the ship" and other such imaginary games.

Here we are "under water". This section featured 4-foot tall ceilings... hooray!

Day two we visited the National Aquarium, because, "prices take a dive, fridays after five". As a side note, you may or may not know that I have a relatively irrational fear of aquariums. Mostly it's a claustrophobia thing that tends to be very real when I have to drive through underwater tunnels (don't judge) and all I can think about is the amount of pressure above me... somehow this transferred to aquariums which is just embarrassing.

Anyway, I've gotta tell you- National Aquarium- really not so bad after all. (phew!) I found that most of the tanks housing the fish were small and spread out.

And truly, all of the fish and squid and eels and whatever that live underwater are pretty incredible creatures.

Of course, we eventually got to the gigantic panes of glass lodging only sharks, and I was less than excited about that section.

It was a little tighter of a space and I believe that I have a healthy and totally justified and rational fear of sharks. To anything that bears its two rows of razor-sharp teeth and moves too fast for me to be able to even snap a picture of, I say, no thank you.

She felt the same way...

But don't worry, once we made it through we thought we would do our best to show those sharks what we are made of!

Whadd'ya think of our jaws, you Baltimorean mega shark?!

when school has been cancelled for over a week...

2010-02-16T15:26:00.007-05:00

...because of ridiculous amounts of snow, it feels so good to get out. Ben hasn't been in the classroom since February 5th and we didn't clean any buildings at camp last week for fear of getting lost in a snow drift. When it was finally relatively safe to venture out in to the world we decided to keep ourselves busy with some out-of-the-house activities.

We did some sledding at Ben's family's farm.

I mainly took pictures, but did my fair share of sledding too.

I feared a little bit that Ben or Kristi would break one (or more) bones.

Then, we spent a day walking the not so cleared sidewalks of DC.

We even met up with a DC dwelling friend who, unfortunately, had a hard time digging his car out from being plowed in on the street- but it was so good to see him and so good spend time with friends who were willing to brave the mess that was DC.

A stranger offered Ben a dollar if he was willing to walk out on the reflecting pool.

He was a man of his word.

Valentine's day was yet another good excuse to get out of the house... And what is v-day without a feather boa?

nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

2010-02-14T09:33:00.005-05:00

We had a teeny-tiny argument this morning.

And then I remembered life is too short.

Then, I forgot why we were even arguing.

Then, I remembered it's Valentine's Day.

And then I remembered how very thankful I am that he is my Valentine.

i'm sorry, i didn't realize we live in siberia

2010-02-10T18:18:00.005-05:00

I want to talk about something else- but lately it's all I can think about.

Every one is feeling it.

This blizzard of 2010, snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, call it what you will, is out of control.

We haven't done too much other than try to stay warm today because we lost power for about 4 hours. Ben created this outdoor refrigerator to save the perishables we had.

We played games and stared at each other while reminding ourselves that the settlers of colonial America did this all the time. And then, we praised Jesus for restoring warmth and running water to us.

Ben and I, once we felt we could come home to a home with electricity, decided to take a little adventure to camp. It was then that I realized when the news said this storm would be "paralyzing", they weren't kidding. Sure it snowed some more today, but the wind is especially crazy as it has formed drifts past my waist at some parts. We just wanted to take our trash to the dumpster over at camp because we know we aren't seeing the garbage men any time soon... but I didn't fare well.

I couldn't help myself- I took a short video of part of our trek, because I was actually amazed at how ridiculous these "blizzard conditions" were. I live in the mid-atlantic for cryin' out loud. This doesn't happen to me. But here it is...

on laryngitis

2010-02-09T23:09:00.003-05:00

I don't always understand it, but I lose my voice a lot.

Sometimes, it seems almost out of the blue and sometimes it's totally explainable. When I was a camp counselor I spent most of my summer whispering to those around me because I would lose my voice so quickly. Every word out of my mouth was dripping with hope that my campers would listen and understand me. If it healed, it was still mildly raspy for the remainder of the summer. Even now during summer camp (in my more supervising/overseeing role), I still tend to get a little hoarse if I yell too much. And by yell, I mean if talk excitedly to one or more people in a day for longer than 10 minutes, my voice weakens.

Other times, I wake up without a voice and there seems to be little to no explanation. Sometimes I think it's because I am allergic to a lot of things and those allergens can irritate my larynx.

This weekend I thought maybe I was having some allergy issues-- then, I remembered that I was buried under snow and there isn't a lot about snow to spur on allergies. So, maybe I had a small cold. I mean, small. I blew my nose (but I do that a lot, every day, anyway) and sneezed a couple of times. But I felt pretty great.

Then- I woke up this morning. with. no. voice. When I first tried to talk to Ben this morning and no sound came out, I figured I was just getting over morning grogginess... but it didn't come back. In fact, when a friend called and I answered the phone I actually got a little light-headed from putting forth so much effort in order to be heard on the other line.

Laryngitis. More like, laryn-this is really inconveniencing me-gitis.

Again, I feel great! I wasn't doing any major cheerleading yesterday, so I guess it comes down to my mild cold. But my throat doesn't even hurt- I just hurt others' ears, as it is, I open my mouth and a squeaky yet deep and raspy excuse for a voice comes pouring out.

I drank tea, rested my voice, tried using my voice to- I don't know, stretch out the vocal chords... and it has gotten a little better. I am hoping that I wake up tomorrow totally revived (er, at least back to my normal day to day raspy voice).

I read once that there might be a problem with the way you talk if you keep getting laryngitis. Soooo, speech training maybe? Apparently, you can have speech habits that cause laryngitis. What are mine? Well, the obvious I guess is that I talk too loud and too long. But, that can't possibly be it...

For now, maybe I'll check Craig's List for a humidifier. That sounds lovely.

snowpocalypse

2010-02-06T18:17:00.002-05:00

they say it's your birthday...

2010-02-05T12:01:00.005-05:00

Today is my aunt's Birthday! Isn't she just the most?

I think so. She is one of the strongest, most beautiful, hard-working, outgoing, talented women I know with a contagious personality. Carolyn is someone who chooses joy. My aunt laughs a lot, loves a lot and gives of herself a lot. Her beautiful self is being celebrated at her new home in dixie with 60 degree weather. Today, in honor of her b-day, we are enjoying a 'nor-easter.

Though Carolyn isn't here to play in the snow-- her birthday twin and grandson (my cousin), Edward, is celebrating his birthday in the the snow!

Happy birthday to Carolyn and Edward-- I love you both, a lot.

inspirational crocs.

2010-01-30T11:23:00.006-05:00

I clean and work in the camp kitchen wearing Crocs. It's true, there is nothing like a rubber shoe, in my opinion, to clean in. When mysterious liquids leak out of trash bags onto my feet, no problem- I've got anti-microbial rubber that it bounces right off of. They never smell and I don't have to tie them (I hate shoes that tie, so restricting...) but, you have to know while I love wearing them to clean/work in the kitchen, I do realize that they look like muppet feet. I mean, they are wide rubber shoes that usually come in bright colors.

Anyway, you may recall when I tried to wash my Crocs in the dishwasher. They shrunk nearly two sizes. It was kind of a sad day. I remember thinking, these are the perfect cleaning shoe! Yet, I feel silly buying another pair!

Kaley came to my rescue and bought me a new pair of lilac Crocs (which now have a sheen of black and silver spray paint on them), I was so thankful for my new pair and I wear them all the time (to work, of course). My new muppet feet came complete with a daisy Jibbit. You know, those little things that you can stick in the holes of Crocs. Football team logos, letter, fairies, flowers, Disney characters, you name it and you can stick it in your Croc.

Now my friends I have a new, possibly marketable, Croc accessory. Since I clean in them all the time, my friend Beth felt that I needed some inspiration on my shoes. After a busy day yesterday, I was procrastinating cleaning one of our dorms and Beth helped me along. With inspirational and motivational labels on my Crocs, I felt I could conquer any building. Who needs Jibbitz, when my Crocs help me to "believe and achieve"...

handmade.

2010-01-22T10:25:00.006-05:00

I love handmade gifts. I, however, do not know how to hand-make many things. There is such an extra amount of beauty in something, I think, when you can look at the finished product and almost imagine its maker putting all that work and care into making it. I have always loved visiting art museums for this reason. I can't get enough of them. For some it is painstaking, just staring at... things. I can't get close enough to the art, looking at every dried brushstroke of oil-paint or seeing fingerprints forever plastered in a clay sculpture. It's wonderful, to me. And music, I love to be at a concert and watch as an artist, right then and there, creates their art. I worked at a coffee shop for a while and remember my friend saying that making an espresso drink felt like creating. She would make each drink for that particular person, creating a cup of drinkable art.

I, on the other hand, don't know too much about making things. I have tried to learn a few trades. My aunt, bless her, tried to teach me to crochet recently. She laughed, out of love, at my finished product. Mostly, I have created things only with close guidance from others. One of my favorite memories is of canning this past fall. Now, when I eat the applesauce or salsa that we made as a group, it tastes a little more delicious than any applesauce or salsa I've ever had. Because from picking the apples off of the tree or peppers out of the garden- to storing them into mason jars, it was handmade (and I had a small part in it). I love that.

Lately, I have received a lot of really wonderful handmade gifts. From people, who must full well know, that they aren't going to receive something as wonderfully handmade from me (someone who is much less crafty). And I am humbled by their kindness (and talent!).

My aunt made me scarves, friends made me pottery and ornaments and a quote (which I love as a reminder to, just "simplify") and headbands... and a man I hardly know, who shares only a love of camp and Jesus with me, took the time to carve my name out of wood. I love these handmade things...

operation: stinky wallpapered bathrooms

2010-01-19T15:02:00.009-05:00

Two weeks ago my trusty side-kick Chaych and I took on a pretty exciting project over at camp. The "lobby bathrooms", for kind of a long time, have been these tiny rooms of wallpaper disaster. The wallpaper was done, certainly, with the best of intentions. But it was time for it to go. Quite frankly because it was urine soaked and peeling away from the walls. And the artwork on the walls was suffering a little too.

For this project I was basically told "go forth, and do whatever the heck you want". It was like music to my ears. Really. I got to take down the yucky wallpaper, pick out paint colors (!) and then paint-- and not even in my own house. I know it sounds crazy, but there is something so therapeutic about painting to me. Chaych and I, however, had no idea how long it would take- just stripping the wallpaper, alone. Thankfully my aunt came to visit. My sweet, retired, enjoying her vacation, aunt- and she was more than helpful in the process. Our friend Steph also willingly stripped wallpaper with us.

Here is where it all began. This is the women's bathroom.

I didn't get a chance to take a picture of the men's bathroom because we were more than anxious, especially, to get that stuff off of the walls. And luckily, the men's bathroom wallpaper came off in large portions of happiness. This is the men's bathroom, wallpaper free!

We had just been using warm water up until this point. We just saturated the walls and peeled the vinyl paper down with ease. Then, we had to scrape up the leftover glue/paste underneath the vinyl. For whatever reason, taking down the women's room wallpaper was another story. We wet the walls and ripped tiny piece by tiny piece.

We got desperate and sought out chemicals for help. We used "Dif" spray which, on the back of the bottle had a warning. The warning read: "This product contains a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer". Apparently this warning turns up on lots of things and we really had nothing to worry about. I say, no thank you.

With a little more patience and perseverance we got the wallpaper down. Our first corner of victory!

I don't ever need to do that again... if I should be so lucky.

Then, the fun began! We started painting the walls and preparing our decorations.

I had looked at lots of antique shops and consignment stores for simple bathroom decorations- but the budget quickly dwindled. So, we found things and made things...

Finally, (and almost to the point where we would do anything to get out of those little life-sucking holes, also known as bathrooms) we finished!

The men's (a gray for underneath the chair-rail called "anonymous" and a questionable blue or green called "watermark" for the wall color)...

The women's (my aunt made that fancy curtain)...

It was a fun project and I am thankful that we were able to redo those bathrooms. Again, it was definitely time, and a bit of an improvement, I think! Not to mention, it is my greatest hope that urine (sorry, but it's true) will not saturate the semi-gloss walls like it did the wallpaper. Here's to hoping!